I often met Prakash when I go for my walks. A decent chap, he has rather unusual opinions on most matters because of which he and I often land up sparring. Our passionate debates on a wide range of topics sometimes provide me with interesting and alternate perspectives.
The government had just announced another steep hike in the already absurd fuel prices. A group of us sipped tea and complained like all good but impotent citizens. We bemoaned the declining standards of morals and character and the surging costs of living. Someone commented that the government actions would only increase the numbers of the poor and they would be hard pressed to make ends meet.
Prakash then made a statement which almost killed all conversation. "Who is to say who is poor? Many of these beggars are just to lazy to work and find it easier to beg for a living. In addition many of those who claim they are poor are not even worthy of helping for they are aggressive and rude. I will never give anything to a beggar again, they do not deserve the charity they receive for they are ungrateful" he said in tone of finality.
After a minute of silence in our conversation, I asked him why was he so agitated.
It seemed that whenever Prakash tried to be charitable, he always had an unpleasant experience. He narrated his previous day's experience.
Prakash's wife Chanda is deeply religious. She visits the temple everyday. She offers prayers and then gives alms and food to the poor who invariably congregate outside such places.
Prakash the dutiful husband always accompanies her driving her to the temple and back. One day unable to find parking space, Prakash happily volunteered to stay in the car while Chanda went for her daily appointment with God.
Lost in thought Prakash was soon jarred out of his reverie by a persistent tapping on his elbow. A middle aged woman stretched her palm out at him, begging. Prakash had received some good news the previous evening and felt expansive. He dropped ten rupees into the outstretched hand. The lady looked blankly at Prakash and said, "I am hungry, give me more."
At that time 10 rupees was enough to have a working meal. An astonished and upset Prakash flew into a rage. He ticked the woman off and she in return cussed and hobbled off with a scowl on her face.
That was the incident that a visibly upset Prakash shared with us. He said "instead of being grateful the horrible woman abused me."
I felt sorry, but could not figure out for whom. An example of a charitable act, resulting not in joy but in disgust.
I asked Prakash whether he expected anything in return for his act of charity
"Of course!" he said, "I expected a smile, some acknowledgement maybe even a blessing, but the woman .. she was simply horrible"
While professional expectations heightens our performance and therefore important, the opposite applies in our personal life. Expectations from love, friendship, parenthood, service, prayer, charity etc. almost always disappoint. This is because with every expectation comes the seed of a disappointment, that of unfulfilled expectations.
This is why our elders used to say, "Do good and forget about it" I have learnt that lesson long ago, I hope Prakash will do so too in the near future.
This habit of mine of analyzing everything and reflecting on various encounters and interactions compelled me to think about charity and giving. Here are some thoughts which I share with you.
We can give of our possessions, but greater still is to give of ourselves our time mind and heart.
What goes around comes around. Have we not be given much? So why do we hesitate to give?
Have we not yet learnt that nothing is really ours? Neither this wealth nor these relationships, not even this body is ours for long. A day will come when all that we possess will be taken away from us. Is everything not transient and temporary?
In our materialistic world we are always doing deals, forever transacting business in give and take selfish relationships. This could possibly be the root cause of much of our unhappiness.
Unhappiness is caused by unfulfilled expectations. So to be happy we must either be able to fulfill our expectations or have no expectations. To be happy in giving, one must make the choice what to give and how to give it and then unconditionally give with no expectations of some glory, benefit or profit.
Our well may be small but it is likely to be full. Yet when we hoard the water, is it not a thirst that is unquenchable? Let us not be like King Midas who had so much gold but remained hungry and unhappy.
Would it not be wise and noble if we ask nothing in return for our charity and assistance, for our love and our friendship? I believe we would be happier and maybe even carefree. Let us stop demanding to own the souls of people we help and love. Let us not burden people with the crushing weight of our charity.
If you really want the biggest bang for your charity work, just try and give and expect nothing in return.
Try it. Give truly unconditionally and
experience how your spirit will soar to the heavens, for you would no more be a human, but an angel.
The government had just announced another steep hike in the already absurd fuel prices. A group of us sipped tea and complained like all good but impotent citizens. We bemoaned the declining standards of morals and character and the surging costs of living. Someone commented that the government actions would only increase the numbers of the poor and they would be hard pressed to make ends meet.
Prakash then made a statement which almost killed all conversation. "Who is to say who is poor? Many of these beggars are just to lazy to work and find it easier to beg for a living. In addition many of those who claim they are poor are not even worthy of helping for they are aggressive and rude. I will never give anything to a beggar again, they do not deserve the charity they receive for they are ungrateful" he said in tone of finality.
After a minute of silence in our conversation, I asked him why was he so agitated.
It seemed that whenever Prakash tried to be charitable, he always had an unpleasant experience. He narrated his previous day's experience.
__________________________
Prakash's wife Chanda is deeply religious. She visits the temple everyday. She offers prayers and then gives alms and food to the poor who invariably congregate outside such places.
Prakash the dutiful husband always accompanies her driving her to the temple and back. One day unable to find parking space, Prakash happily volunteered to stay in the car while Chanda went for her daily appointment with God.
Lost in thought Prakash was soon jarred out of his reverie by a persistent tapping on his elbow. A middle aged woman stretched her palm out at him, begging. Prakash had received some good news the previous evening and felt expansive. He dropped ten rupees into the outstretched hand. The lady looked blankly at Prakash and said, "I am hungry, give me more."
At that time 10 rupees was enough to have a working meal. An astonished and upset Prakash flew into a rage. He ticked the woman off and she in return cussed and hobbled off with a scowl on her face. That was the incident that a visibly upset Prakash shared with us. He said "instead of being grateful the horrible woman abused me."
I felt sorry, but could not figure out for whom. An example of a charitable act, resulting not in joy but in disgust.
I asked Prakash whether he expected anything in return for his act of charity
"Of course!" he said, "I expected a smile, some acknowledgement maybe even a blessing, but the woman .. she was simply horrible"
While professional expectations heightens our performance and therefore important, the opposite applies in our personal life. Expectations from love, friendship, parenthood, service, prayer, charity etc. almost always disappoint. This is because with every expectation comes the seed of a disappointment, that of unfulfilled expectations.
This is why our elders used to say, "Do good and forget about it" I have learnt that lesson long ago, I hope Prakash will do so too in the near future.
This habit of mine of analyzing everything and reflecting on various encounters and interactions compelled me to think about charity and giving. Here are some thoughts which I share with you.
We can give of our possessions, but greater still is to give of ourselves our time mind and heart.
What goes around comes around. Have we not be given much? So why do we hesitate to give?
Have we not yet learnt that nothing is really ours? Neither this wealth nor these relationships, not even this body is ours for long. A day will come when all that we possess will be taken away from us. Is everything not transient and temporary?
In our materialistic world we are always doing deals, forever transacting business in give and take selfish relationships. This could possibly be the root cause of much of our unhappiness.
Unhappiness is caused by unfulfilled expectations. So to be happy we must either be able to fulfill our expectations or have no expectations. To be happy in giving, one must make the choice what to give and how to give it and then unconditionally give with no expectations of some glory, benefit or profit.
Our well may be small but it is likely to be full. Yet when we hoard the water, is it not a thirst that is unquenchable? Let us not be like King Midas who had so much gold but remained hungry and unhappy.
Would it not be wise and noble if we ask nothing in return for our charity and assistance, for our love and our friendship? I believe we would be happier and maybe even carefree. Let us stop demanding to own the souls of people we help and love. Let us not burden people with the crushing weight of our charity.
If you really want the biggest bang for your charity work, just try and give and expect nothing in return.
experience how your spirit will soar to the heavens, for you would no more be a human, but an angel.
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