If it's not for money, then why do you write?

 

A friend asked me, "If it's not for money then why do you write?"

It would be foolish to say that 'money is not important' but can that and should that be, the only reason for doing anything? 

Writing I suppose is like playing golf. 

One really doesn't play for money or against an opponent, but for oneself against oneself. Attempting to improve oneself from the previous day. Meaning that one should write for one's own sake and for oneself, improving with each piece in clarity, brevity, impact and pleasure.

If I write something nice, correct or agreeable, I get a decent number of replies providing me some new learning.

If I wish to learn something more, I have to only make or plant an error. Then I am bombarded with criticism, corrections and different perspective.

I suppose like men can usually never resist a bad girl, it is difficult for readers to resist a writer who in their opinion needs correcting and learning.

____________

Because of my writing, I have found several teachers, discovered some students, and befriended many, in this insanely wonderful world.

Every day offers an opportunity to share good wishes. Today is special because it is the new year day for the vast majority of Indians. I send you greetings and good wishes.

Who is a friend?

 

"Everyone is the other and no one is himself."

~ Martin Heidegger

A master’s farewell Letter

"If God, for a second, forgave what I have become, and granted me a little bit more of life, I would use it to the best of my ability.

I wouldn't, possibly, say everything that is in my mind, but I would be more thoughtful of all I say. I would give merit to things not for what they are worth, but for what they mean to express.

I would sleep little, I would dream more, because I know that for every minute that we close our eyes, we waste 60 seconds of light.

I would walk while others stop; I would awake while others sleep.

If God would give me a little bit more of life, I would dress in a simple manner, I would place myself in front of the sun, leaving not only my body, but my soul naked at its mercy.

To all men, I would say how mistaken they are when they think that they stop falling in love when they grow old, without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love.

I would give wings to children, but I would leave it to them to learn how to fly by themselves.

To old people I would say that death doesn't arrive when they grow old, but with forgetfulness.

I have learned so much with you all, I have learned that everybody wants to live on top of the mountain, without knowing that true happiness is obtained in the journey taken and the form used to reach the top of the hill.

I have learned that when a newborn baby holds, with its little hand, his father's finger, it has trapped him for the rest of his life.

I have learned that a man has the right and obligation to look down at another man, only when that man needs help to get up from the ground.

Say always what you feel, not what you think. If I knew that today is the last time that that I am going to see you asleep, I would hug you with all my strength and I would pray to the Lord to let me be the guardian angel of your soul.

If I knew that these are the last moments to see you, I would say 'I love you'.

There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right, but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me, I would love to tell you how much I love you and that I will never forget you.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Today could be the last time to see your loved ones, which is why you mustn't wait; do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives. I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.

Keep your loved ones near you; tell them in their ears and to their faces how much you need them and love them. Love them and treat them well; take your time to tell them 'I am sorry, please,  forgive me, and thank you', and all those loving words you know.

Nobody will know you for your secret thought. Ask the Divine for wisdom and strength to express them.

Show your friends and loved ones how important they are to you.

Say and do what you must today itself ...tomorrow will be like yesterday, and if you never do it, it doesn't matter either, the moment to do it is now.

For you,

With much love,

Your Friend,"

_________________________

Note: 

In 2000, the impending death of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, (famous Colombian writer, and Nobel Peace Prize) winner for literature) was incorrectly reported by Peruvian daily newspaper La República. The next day other newspapers republished his alleged farewell poem, but shortly afterwards García Márquez denied being the author of this beautiful poem.

_________________________

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Please, keep us near

Mohini and I spent this new year eve staying at home to look after our grandson and each other. A visit to the Gurudwara (Sikh temple), followed by a quiet dinner and a surprise visit by our friends Anupam and Priya.

As we grey, we spend half the time looking back and reminiscing. We recalled a new year we celebrated 16 years ago.

"Dad, I want to welcome the new year in with you and mom. Can we come with you to the party you are going with your friends on new years eve?" asked our son Mohit. He was 15 and our younger son Pavit was 13 at that time.

"Of course not", I retorted. "You better go along with your friends, that is who you should be spending your new year time with." 

I simply ignored Mohit's sad and crest fallen look. I was making a man out of my son, he had to learn to be strong and independent. In fact, I felt damn proud of myself as I left for work.

That evening Mohini my wife asked, "What did you say  to Mohit? Why can't the boys come with us? I have spoken to our friends, they are quite comfortable if our boys come with us to the dinner and dance. Please let them come."

"No my decision is made and please don't argue with me", I said curtly.

"Do you know what your son said? Do you have any idea what is going on in that young boy's mind and heart?"

"Don't make a sissy out of him", I scolded her.

She made me sit down and explained to me as a woman often has to explain to her man the eldest child in her family. " He says, mom , very soon I will be busy, with my friends in college and then my professional studies in Engineering,  my working career will dominate and marriage thereafter.  We have only these few years remaining,  that we can four spend real quality time together. I want to spend it with you both so that I can relish it all my life.  This is why I want us to be with you both. We will never have this time again. So please keep us close to you, while you can."

My macho arrogance had blinded me and had stolen my empathy and love. It had made me both senseless and heartless. Could I not have had the same conversation with my son as Mohini had? Why had I failed to hear and feel what he so dearly felt?

Tears welled in my eyes and I wanted to kick myself. How could I make it up to them? I went to his room and their he sat reading a book. He said, "Mom explained everything to me. Dad it's ok, that you cannot take us with you. You and mom have a great time. Pavit and I  will just chill out at home and watch TV."

I walked up to him, stood him up from his chair and embraced him real tight, and kissed him on his forehead. I said, "I am sorry, I refused you in the morning. On second thought, it will be a great idea if you came with us."

We all went together, the four of us, to the new year party. We sang and we danced, and we laughed until our stomachs ached. We then danced and laughed a lot more.. It was a fabulous, unforgettable fun filled evening.

Our sons have grown up and are now married, and Mohit is a father now. Everything has happened almost exactly as he foresaw it. 

With the onset of adulthood, intensity levels and differences in preference are more dramatic. This is only natural. We don't go to many functions or parties together with our children anymore. They devote more time at work,  devote quality time to to their wives, and are comfortable with their friends. 

Nowadays when the six of us do go out together, we still laugh a lot, but it is somewhat different. The love is strong, and that magic is still there, but it is not so overpowering anymore. Not so intense and definitely less insane. 

Knowledge without grace

One can choose their friends but not always their neighbours. With God's grace I have always had wonderful neighbours, that is until very recently.

A neighbour moved in recently to stay with her mother. She is a highly educated 'professional', but totally devoid of civility and possesses a bitter personality. An obnoxious person, she knows all her rights but is ignorant about her responsibilities.

A fascinating product of our current education and political system she is. Weaned on social and political entitlements and blinded by her 'professional knowledge', this was a good example of the new modern world we have been creating.

Knowledge without grace is both ugly and destructive.


Sharing and caring have been sacrificed at the altar of greed and 'professional' creed.


I try to give her a wide berth but it is difficult not to cross the path of neighbours especially when one lives in an apartment complex. Every encounter is dreadful and it is not difficult to appreciate why she has no friends. I felt angry initially, but now there is only pity.

On the bright side,  I am now even more appreciative of the many wonderful people that are in my life.  God bless my friends and neighbours.

Just be my friend

Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. 

Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. 

Just walk beside me and be my friend."

- Albert Camus

These shoes make me so happy

Once in Delhi I spent a night at a friends home. Meeting after 15 years we had a lot of catching up to do.

Late into the night we chatted. As we relaxed, my friend pulled off his shoes with a moan and a groan. He heaved a sigh of relief as the shoes finally came off, and he muttered " Man! these shoes are so tight they really hurt"

I was baffled and I asked,"why don't you wear shoes that are comfortable and a slightly larger size?"

With a strange expression he said, "You won't understand, but these shoes make me so happy. My work is terrible, my employees are robbing me blind, my customers refuse to pay their bills,  my friends let me down and no one including my family loves me." "When I come home and take off these damn! tight shoes, I feel great relief and this is probably the only joy I get and the only happiness I can induce in my life" 

My friend was always melodramatic, however there is always some truth in every bit of humour. 

It appears that finding happiness is more elusive than avoiding unhappiness. Permit me to share with you some thoughts on avoiding unhappiness.

_________________________________

Unhappiness normally stems from unfulfilled expectations.  

Expectations are of two kinds, one that is a favour and the other is a duty.  As regards the latter one one should always exercise one's rights and demand that people perform their duty.


However one should always be mentally prepared for the worst case scenario that nothing is going to transpire as expected, particularly when asking for favours. (The government and it's officers of our country do believe that they need not perform their duty, but merely bestow favours on us citizens)  


Having low expectations, forces us to be develop alternative solutions and be more self reliant. When things do happen as desired, we are pleasantly surprised and delighted. If nothing happens we can always say "I knew it, nothing would happen". 

Secondly, It's useful to avoid certain people or at least minimize contact with them. 

Trying to get ahead in life we try to associate with people that will benefit us materially and maybe that is not a bad thing. It is however essential that we listen to our inner voice, our 'gut feeling' and our conscience. If everything looks good but there is a voice in our being that gnaws at us that it does not feel right, it is quite likely that we will be sorry sooner or later. We must learn to trust our instincts and intuition.

Thirdly, avoid irritating things in our life. 

Identify the things that we frequently use, starting with our private space. Our bedroom, the bed, the pillow, the linen should be to our liking, because that is where we will spend a third of our life. Well rested in an environment of our liking will refresh us and make us less likely to be unhappy. 

Personal effects of  clothing, footwear, crockery, transport vehicle and our work tools be it a pen, computer, office bag, tool kit etc., or whatever is our tools of the trade should be of good quality and reliable. Nothing makes life worse than using rotten hardware and software tools to do our job.

Fourth, pursuing an appropriate career. 

If self employed, then try to choose a profession or business we like or are comfortable with. Working for an individual  or an organisation try to work for a person or organisation that has a belief system which we can respect.  Nothing is more stressful than having to work with people we have little respect for or worse taking orders from people we despise. If we hate the work we do, we  will become bitter and not only will this negative energy hurt others it will corrode us from within.

Fifth, avoid irritating people.

Though not always possible, avoiding people that trouble us or try to engage us in behaviour that is irritating is a good way to avoid unhappiness and related stress. Road rage is a good example of when people try to fight with us, a perfectly convenient way is to simply not make eye contact with the enraged driver, and try not to acknowledge their presence. Violent people need us to acknowledge them before they attack, so being indifferent to them takes the fun out of bullying for them.

In conclusion,  I must admit that this article is written mainly for people who can exercise free choice. Unfortunately there are billions of people who are prisoners of their environments, trapped by families, employers, governments, warlords, gangsters etc.  I pray that one day they too can have the ability and courage to exercise free choice and the wisdom to make the right choice.

If we are good and follow our heart, carry little negative emotional baggage,  keep life simple and seek joy instead of mere excitement, then happiness is within our grasp.

Do not want to curse God.

Optimism, education, reasonable intelligence and hard work does not mean that problems do not come calling. A time came with disastrous consequences for me, when I lost almost everything. 

I took stock of my situation and concluded that I was financially broke but I was not poor. I was wealthy, for I had knowledge, experience, a friend in my loving wife, and a deep faith in God.  
Well there is only one thing to do, start rebuilding life afresh so I left India for Dubai. Almost everyone in Dubai has a story of problems, challenges, and sorrow behind them. It is a land of opportunity, like a beautiful woman but with a stone for a heart. 

I am a happy-go lucky type of person, therefore it's relatively easy for me to get along with people, at least for a while.  My extrovert nature helped me meet and interact with a lot of people and I was soon busy, though not always productively or profitably.

My bank manager Kannan and I soon became friends. I sought Kannan's advice on many things and he was more than ready to lend me his ear and offer advice and suggestions whenever he could spare the time.
Once Kannan introduced me to another client of the bank, believing that there were good business opportunities between both of his clients.
As things turned out the opportunity existed and we did do some business together. The volume of business was not much, but it was fairly profitable for the time and money involved.

I was living all by myself at that time and I longed to share my joy with someone. In addition I was happy and grateful, and I so wanted to show my appreciation to Kannan.
After much thought I decided to give him cash. So I put some cash (10% of the profit) in an envelope and I went to the bank.

Kannan and we chatted over tea for some time in his cabin. After I had finished my cup of tea, I placed the envelope in front of him.
Kannan raised his eyebrow and without touching the package asked me "What is this?"

I said, 'Thanks to your introduction I made some money and I wanted to share a little something with you."
He picked up the packet peeked into the contents and pushed it back to me; " I am sorry I can't take it. I only did my duty to assist my customers. I have grown fond of you, I wanted this to be an act of friendship. Do not spoil it by giving me anything especially money."

Kannan said, 
"Let me share something with you. Every day I pray.  
"God, do not deprive me and give me so little, that I curse you. I also beg you not to give me so much that I forget you."

He said that God seemed to hear and answer his prayers. He wished for nothing more.
Back and forth we pushed the envelope with the money. Finally he relented and put the envelope in his drawer.

A few days later I went to the bank for some work. As usual I went to meet Kannan. We chatted for a few minutes and then he asked me, "Have you checked your bank statement?"
"No" I replied.

Kannan said, "You insisted on giving me the money and I was unable to convince you, so I took the money you gave me and I deposited the money back into your account."
"Please do not do anything silly and come around with another packet, now or ever. My joy comes from doing good for you"

I felt blessed to meet so noble and wonderful man.

He was soon thereafter transferred to another branch rather far away and we lost touch. I tried to contact him for a long time, but learnt that he had taken up a job somewhere else. I pray that I meet him again sometime soon.

Paradox of our times ..

      Image by Ben Heine

We have bigger houses but fewer residents,

More conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees, but less common sense.

More knowledge, but less judgement.

We have more experts but also more problems.

More medicines, but less wellness.

We spend too recklessly;

laugh too little,

drive too fast,

get angry too quickly,

stay up too late,

read too little

watch TV too much,

meditate and pray too seldom!

We have multiplied our possessions,

but reduced our values.

We argue too much,

love too little,

lie too often.

We have learnt to make a living, but not a life.

We've added years to life, not life to years.

We have taller buildings,

and shorter tempers.

Wider roads but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more but we have less,

We buy more, but enjoy it less.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but we have difficulty in saying hello, smiling, or reaching out to shake a hand.

we have conquered outer space, but not inner space.

We have split the atom, but not our prejudices.

We write more, learn less, plan more but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush but not to wait.

We have higher incomes but lower morals.

We build more computers, to hold more data, to spread more information, make more copies, yet we have less communication.

We are long on quantity, and short on quality.

These are the times for fast foods and slow digestions;

Tall men and short characters.

More leisure and less fun;

More kinds of foods, but less nutrition.

Two incomes, but more divorces.

Fancier houses, but broken homes.

________________________________________

That is why I propose; 

that as of today, you do not keep anything for special occasions because every day you live it's a special occasion.

Enjoy the passage of time, be one with creation

Read and discuss more,

Seek wisdom along with your search for knowledge, 

Admire the view.

Spend time with your family and friends.

Eat your favourite foods, and visit the places you love.

Life is a chain of enjoyments, not merely about surviving.

Use your crystal goblet, and don't save your favourite perfume, use them when you feel like it.

Remove from your vocabulary words like "one of these days" or "someday".

Write the letter you've thought about writing.

Tell your friends and family, how much you love them.

Don't delay anything that brings joy and happiness into your life.

Every day, every hour, every minute is special.

You never know if it will be your last.

Last but not the least

Never forget Him, that made this wonder called life possible.

My Thanks to Mr. Ephrem Augustus for this contribution

Farewell letter from a master

FAREWELL LETTER FROM A MASTER


The poem which is a remarkable farewell letter to friends incorrectly attributed to Gabriel Garcia Marquez makes fascinating food for thought.


"If God, for a second, forgot what I have become and granted me a little bit more of life, I would use it to the best of my ability.

I wouldn't, possibly, say everything that is in my mind, but I would be more thoughtful of all I say. I would give merit to things not for what they are worth, but for what they mean to express.

I would sleep little, I would dream more, because I know that for every minute that we close our eyes, we waste 60 seconds of light.

I would walk while others stop; I would awake while others sleep.

If God would give me a little bit more of life, I would dress in a simple manner, I would place myself in front of the sun, leaving not only my body, but my soul naked at its mercy.

To all men, I would say how mistaken they are when they think that they stop falling in love when they grow old, without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love.

I would give wings to children, but I would leave it to them to learn how to fly by themselves.

To old people I would say that death doesn't arrive when they grow old, but with forgetfulness.

I have learned so much with you all, I have learned that everybody wants to live on top of the mountain, without knowing that true happiness is obtained in the journey taken & the form used to reach the top of the hill.

I have learned that when a newborn baby holds, with its little hand, his father's finger, it has trapped him for the rest of his life.

I have learned that a man has the right and obligation to look down at another man, only when that man needs help to get up from the ground.

Say always what you feel, not what you think. If I knew that today is the last time that that I am going to see you asleep, I would hug you with all my strength and I would pray to the Lord to let me be the guardian angel of your soul.

If I knew that these are the last moments to see you, I would say 'I love you'.

There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right, but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me, I would love to tell you how much I love you and that I will never forget you.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old.

Today could be the last time to see your loved ones, which is why you mustn't wait; do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives. I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.

Keep your loved ones near you; tell them in their ears and to their faces how much you need them and love them. Love them and treat them well; take your time to tell them 'I am sorry';' forgive me',' please' 'thank you', and all those loving words you know.

Nobody will know you for your secret thought. Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength to express them.

Show your friends and loved ones how important they are to you.

Say and do what you must today itself ...tomorrow will be like yesterday, and if you never do it, it doesn't matter either, the moment to do it is now.

For you,
With much love,
Your Friend,"



Note: In 2000, the impending death of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, (famous writer from Colombia, and Nobel Peace Prize winner for literature) was incorrectly reported by Peruvian daily newspaper La República. The next day other newspapers republished his alleged farewell poem, but shortly afterwards García Márquez denied being the author of the poem.