Temple of my Soul

Depending on our experiences and our learning both formal and informal, religious, social or otherwise we come to generally believe in the East that 'I am a soul with a body' or in the West, 'I am a body with a soul'. Atheists believe different things or disbelieve almost everything.

Who am I? Almost all of us will never know the answer though many will seek to know so we can only believe.

I believe, 'I am nothing more than energy concentrated in the form of an eternal soul, housed within a constantly ageing body and driven and controlled by my mind.'

When the three interrelated aspects of our existence, body, mind and soul, are in harmony with one another we can claim to be at ease and healthy. When the natural rhythm, pulse, and synchronisation is disturbed we suffer from a case of 'dis-ease' and hence the origin of the term 'disease'.

All traditional practices of health such a 'Ayurveda' (the knowledge of life) have focussed in restoring the balance and harmony in 'dis eased' beings both within themselves and with the rest of existence.

All these thoughts and beliefs remain theory until we experience major dis-ease or imbalance, as I happened to experience by physical injury very recently. Medicines and treatments alleviated my pain but were not making me healthy. I suddenly realised that while I was nourishing my soul and mind I had all but neglected my body, the temple of my soul.

Now I understood why traditional Indian temples were not only places of worship but each a 'Gurukul'. A Gurukul being an integrated centre for transmission of theory and practice of a wide range of subjects, physical education and practice of yoga and meditation, music and arts, literature and culture, etc. with a learned, wise and experienced Guru at the very centre. This formed the backbone and basic core of Indian civilisation until it was significantly damaged by neglect, corruption, invasions and imported ideologies.

A neglected or unhealthy body adversely affects our ability to function both physically and mentally and impedes the realisation of our spiritually.

We are at our prime of our physical health between age 16 and 20 years. After that our bodies begin to decay. Our joints begin to stiffen and we lose about 8% of our muscle mass each decade, hence our strength, stamina and flexibility degrade. Our brain cells begin to die more rapidly than they are regenerated, and eventually we can suffer from conditions like dementia.

Both ancient and modern scientific thinking agree that a healthy body and mind can be achieved by following some universal truths.

• Exercise, either by imbedding physical activity such as walking and climbing in our daily routine or develop a workout regime. I have discovered the latter with the help of a good trainer to be fun and very effective.
• Proper diet and nutrition in moderation provides the right fuel and energy eliminating 90% of dis-ease.
• Avoid intoxicants and artificial stimulants, wherever and whenever possible.
• Get sufficient and fitful sleep (Physical exercise helps a lot in this regard).
• Constantly challenge and recharge the mind by continuous learning and contemplation.
• Nourish the soul by meditation.
• Harmonise the mind, body and soul by practice of pranayama and yoga.

Scientists have discovered by studies and many of us by experience that exercise, yoga and meditation increases the feel good factor (caused by hormones like endorphins) and sharpens the mind.

It is useful to remember, the body benefits from movement, and the mind benefits from stillness. Hence physical exercise, sport or various sports, coupled with hobbies or interests that challenges the mind, nourishes and strengthens it.

Sadly like most people, after leaving school at age 16, I had stopped exercising and working out, as a result over next 47 years my body has decayed and weakened much more rapidly than it should have.  

The good news is that because of our son Pavit's nagging and his part ownership in Hotfut sports and ILESEUM clubs I had easy access to numerous gyms and good trainers.

As a result our entire family have begun to work out regularly. I have discovered that while ageing cannot be reversed, a lot of health can be recovered and restored.

I wish you all good health.

Interesting Links:

• Not every teacher is a Guru ~ Guru Wonder
• The importance of the Gurukul system and why Indian education needs it ~ Times of India
• How New Brain Cells Regenerate ~ Very Well Mind
• The Adult Brain Does Grow New Neurons After All, Study Says ~ Scientific American
• Hotfut sports
• ILESEUM clubs ~ Inclusive Localism For Excellence in Sports Education and Urban Living Management Clubs

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Please, keep us close to you.

Last year Mohini and I spent a quiet new year's eve. We visited the Gurudwara followed by a quiet dinner. Then the rest of the evening and night was spent at home, babysitting and enjoying the antics of our two naughty grandsons.

As we grey, we spend a lot of time reminiscing. We recalled a new year we celebrated many, many years ago, in 1996.

"Dad, can we come with you and mom this  evening to the new year party?" asked our 15 year old son, Mohit, accompanied by his 13 year old sibling, Pavit.

"Of course not", I retorted. "Don't cling to us. You better go along with your friends. That is who you should be spending your new year time with."

It didn't bother me the least, that Mohit, looked crest fallen, for I was making a man out of my son. He had to learn to be strong and independent.

In fact, I felt damn proud of myself, as I left for work.

That evening Mohini my wife asked, "What did you say to Mohit? Why can't the boys come with us? I have spoken to our friends, and they are quite comfortable if the boys come with us to the dinner and party. Please let them come."

"No! My decision is made, and please don't argue with me", I said curtly.

"Do you know what your son said? Do you have any idea what is going on in that young boy's mind and heart?" Mohini asked.

"Don't make a sissy out of him", I scolded her.

She sat me down and quoted Mohit. 

"Mom, very soon I will be busy, with my friends in college and then my professional studies in engineering.  My studies and career will consume nearly all my time and marriage thereafter. We have only these few years remaining,  that the four of us can spend real quality time together. We will never have this time again." 

He continued "I want to spend these years with you both and Pavit so that I can relish these times for all my life.  This is why I want us to be with you.  So Mama, please keep us close to you, while you can."

My macho arrogance, had blinded me and had stolen my empathy and love. It had made me both senseless and heartless. 

Could I not have had the same conversation with my son as Mohini had? 

Why had I failed to hear and feel what our son so dearly felt?

In this matter, who was showing greater wisdom and maturity, the father or the son?

Tears welled in my eyes and I wanted to kick myself. How could I make it up to him? I went to his room, and there he sat reading a book. 

With a weak smile he said, "Mom explained everything to me. Dad, it's ok, if you cannot take us with you. You and mom have a great time. Pavit and I will just chill out at home and watch TV."

I walked up to him, grasped his shoulders, stood him up. I embraced him real tight, and kissed him on his forehead. I said, "I am sorry, I refused you in the morning. On second thought, its a great idea that you came with us."

The four of us went together, to the new year party. We joked about and laughed so much that our stomachs ached, we danced until our legs hurt.  Then we danced and laughed even more... . The easy spontaneity,  fun, bonding and love, made it a fabulous, unforgettable happy evening, 

Thanks to Mohini and our sons, I became a better father and human being. 

Now 22 years later everything has happened almost exactly as Mohit foresaw it.  Even though we all stay together, our lives travelling in different orbits, allow us fewer  occasions to spend time together.

Our sons have grown up, are married, and fathers now. Its but natural that they devote their lives to the future. Their time is devoted to their work, wives, children, friends and associates. We have to struggle to find quality time as a joint family. 

Nowadays when the six of us and our grandsons get to spend time together, we still enjoy ourselves a lot, but it is somewhat different. The love and the magic is there, but it is not so overpowering anymore. Its not so intense and definitely less insane. 

.

Mohini and I draw consolation from Khalil Gibran's words, "Our children come through us, but they belong not to us ........". 

The Will to Succeed

One of the essential qualities of people who succeed spectacularly is their frame of mind. 

Failure is not an option for them. They simply refuse to give up. They possess passion and commitment which is both immense and intense.

Take the example of Native American Indian Bright Path -Jim Thorpe, often considered as one of the most versatile American athlete ever. 

Jim Thorpe succeeded as the first Native American to win gold medals for his country when he participated in the 1912 Summer Olympics. 

Winning itself was an achievement, but how he won is the story of legends.

On the morning of his competitions, Thorpe discovered that his shoes had been stolen.  

Not a person to give up, he discovered a pair of shoes and some socks in a garbage dumpster. Not only were the shoes different in colour and model they were also also of different sizes.

Jim Thorpe a.ka. Bright Path. Different shoes, sizes and socks

One shoe fit him properly, but the other was a size too big, so he had to wear an extra sock on one foot.   

This is clearly visible in the photo taken that day after the events. One can see the strange footwear he wore that day, to win gold medals for the  pentathlon and decathlon events.

A powerful and motivating personality. Jim Thorpe did not let a setback overpower him and become a misfortune. He searched relentlessly for anything that would take him swiftly out of his predicament. Eventually he found something.  He used and worked with what he had, where he had, to bounce back and win, coming way ahead of others.  

As my son Pavit of Hotfut who owns and operates a sports academy, reminds me, winners possess a 'must win'  psychology.  Meaning the key to winning and succeeding is not money, equipment, facilities, technology, tools, etc. as much as it is the strength and motivation of the human spirit possessed by a passion to succeed and excel.

Its always the quality of people who determine the quality of results. 

The good news is that these winning qualities traits across all disciplines, can be identified, developed and enhanced both for ourselves and for others we are responsible for.

With the right focus, guidance and motivation, even ordinary individuals and teams can achieve extraordinary results.

To honour this extraordinary and great man, the American people have named a town after him Jim Thorpe in Lehigh Valley in Pennsylvania.

My children and I, We are not friends.

My children and I, we are not friends.


During a visit to Kolkata, my cousin Raja, a deep and wonderful man, asked me, "How would you describe your relationship with your children?"

Puffing my chest out, proudly, I replied, "Why,
we are friends."

He replied, "Forgive me Veer ji for pointing it out, but your children have many friends, where as they have only one set of parents. The only people who will be firm and honest with people are their parents and their genuine teachers."

I was irritated that my cousin 15 years younger than me, should even think this way. "How old fashioned and outdated was his outlook?" As with disturbance to deeply held beliefs, Raja's statement disturbed me. 

When I returned from Kolkata, I decided to ask my children over Sunday lunch, about defining our relationship. We discussed my trip and what all had transpired. 

Eventually I got around to  my conversation with Raja. I then asked them,  "Do you think I should be more of a friend or less of a friend to you guys?

Both my sons replied in unison and without hesitation, "Less of a friend".
I was flabbergasted, and felt somewhat disappointed. I had to know why they said that.

Then Mohit our elder son said, "Dad we love and respect you, but you know, with friends there are no boundaries, and sometimes, we take you for granted. When we treat you as a friend  we often say or behave silly, sometimes even disrespectful. When we behave like that with you, and even though you never get offended, we  deeply regret it. This is why, it is better that we be more respectful, than friendly."

"Wow! I did not see that one coming", I told myself. 

I realised it is the fashion to be friends with one's children, but there is big difference between being friends and being friendly.

Maybe you should ask yourself and your children the same question.

Please, keep us near

Mohini and I spent this new year eve staying at home to look after our grandson and each other. A visit to the Gurudwara (Sikh temple), followed by a quiet dinner and a surprise visit by our friends Anupam and Priya.

As we grey, we spend half the time looking back and reminiscing. We recalled a new year we celebrated 16 years ago.

"Dad, I want to welcome the new year in with you and mom. Can we come with you to the party you are going with your friends on new years eve?" asked our son Mohit. He was 15 and our younger son Pavit was 13 at that time.

"Of course not", I retorted. "You better go along with your friends, that is who you should be spending your new year time with." 

I simply ignored Mohit's sad and crest fallen look. I was making a man out of my son, he had to learn to be strong and independent. In fact, I felt damn proud of myself as I left for work.

That evening Mohini my wife asked, "What did you say  to Mohit? Why can't the boys come with us? I have spoken to our friends, they are quite comfortable if our boys come with us to the dinner and dance. Please let them come."

"No my decision is made and please don't argue with me", I said curtly.

"Do you know what your son said? Do you have any idea what is going on in that young boy's mind and heart?"

"Don't make a sissy out of him", I scolded her.

She made me sit down and explained to me as a woman often has to explain to her man the eldest child in her family. " He says, mom , very soon I will be busy, with my friends in college and then my professional studies in Engineering,  my working career will dominate and marriage thereafter.  We have only these few years remaining,  that we can four spend real quality time together. I want to spend it with you both so that I can relish it all my life.  This is why I want us to be with you both. We will never have this time again. So please keep us close to you, while you can."

My macho arrogance had blinded me and had stolen my empathy and love. It had made me both senseless and heartless. Could I not have had the same conversation with my son as Mohini had? Why had I failed to hear and feel what he so dearly felt?

Tears welled in my eyes and I wanted to kick myself. How could I make it up to them? I went to his room and their he sat reading a book. He said, "Mom explained everything to me. Dad it's ok, that you cannot take us with you. You and mom have a great time. Pavit and I  will just chill out at home and watch TV."

I walked up to him, stood him up from his chair and embraced him real tight, and kissed him on his forehead. I said, "I am sorry, I refused you in the morning. On second thought, it will be a great idea if you came with us."

We all went together, the four of us, to the new year party. We sang and we danced, and we laughed until our stomachs ached. We then danced and laughed a lot more.. It was a fabulous, unforgettable fun filled evening.

Our sons have grown up and are now married, and Mohit is a father now. Everything has happened almost exactly as he foresaw it. 

With the onset of adulthood, intensity levels and differences in preference are more dramatic. This is only natural. We don't go to many functions or parties together with our children anymore. They devote more time at work,  devote quality time to to their wives, and are comfortable with their friends. 

Nowadays when the six of us do go out together, we still laugh a lot, but it is somewhat different. The love is strong, and that magic is still there, but it is not so overpowering anymore. Not so intense and definitely less insane.