Goodbye, Dear Father

Loss of livelihoods is bad enough, compounded by illness and loss of some near and dear to many people.

Humanity now lives under a pall of great fear as the pandemic stalks the land.

No amount of sympathy and condolence can fill the void of sorrow. But life will go on irrespective of how we feel. 

I am reminded of the loss of my father Sardar Man Singh ji, his life and the great lessons he provided us.

Six years ago, on the 1st day of Sept with a gurgle and a cough my father left this world just as he arrived into it.

I was inconsolable, because my mindless heart could not stop crying.
I was unduly brave, because my heartless mind refused to let me grieve. 

Some said it was an auspicious day to die. 
How can any day be a good day to lose someone you love? 

Fate was both kind and cruel to our father, Sardar Man Singh ji (1928 -2014). In spite of his many failings his life was crowned with great success and accomplishments. In spite of his kind, brilliant, hardworking, witty and charming nature he encountered numerous misfortunes. Yet he never lost his balance nor his zest for life. 

On the contrary he transformed setbacks into success and taught his family, friends and colleagues so much by sharing through stories his own experiences and learning. He thus enriched the lives of whoever he touched.

Father was old but in good health, yet he knew that his time was near. He thanked everyone in his life and sought forgiveness from them  for any offence he may have caused them. He devoted the last decade of his life time and effort to helping whoever and whenever he could. The critical and aggressive nature so essential for achievement was replaced by understanding and compassion.

The spirit and wisdom
is transmitted through the generations

As the Guru taught, life is uncertain, for we are owners only of this moment this breath, for we know not whether the next moment, the next breath may come or not.

So use this moment and do what is important, to meditate and understand the insignificance of man and the infiniteness of Creation/Creator in the general scheme of existence.  

As I noticed with my father a transformation took place. We begin to view everyone as good at heart and some as merely misguided. The heart overflows with love and compassion, respect and contentment for whatever life doles out.  A friendly nature emerges not out of cowardice but fearlessness.

As I witnessed with our father, such an awakening enables us to confront all sorts of challenges, to unflinchingly cope with  the most difficult situation, possess the sagacity to accept the outcome and the courage to embrace the inevitable. 

Such a being, a warrior knows, one can fight and yet lose or one can pass on with dignity and grace and yet win.That is why they give life the best they can.

My children and I, We are not friends.

My children and I, we are not friends.


During a visit to Kolkata, my cousin Raja, a deep and wonderful man, asked me, "How would you describe your relationship with your children?"

Puffing my chest out, proudly, I replied, "Why,
we are friends."

He replied, "Forgive me Veer ji for pointing it out, but your children have many friends, where as they have only one set of parents. The only people who will be firm and honest with people are their parents and their genuine teachers."

I was irritated that my cousin 15 years younger than me, should even think this way. "How old fashioned and outdated was his outlook?" As with disturbance to deeply held beliefs, Raja's statement disturbed me. 

When I returned from Kolkata, I decided to ask my children over Sunday lunch, about defining our relationship. We discussed my trip and what all had transpired. 

Eventually I got around to  my conversation with Raja. I then asked them,  "Do you think I should be more of a friend or less of a friend to you guys?

Both my sons replied in unison and without hesitation, "Less of a friend".
I was flabbergasted, and felt somewhat disappointed. I had to know why they said that.

Then Mohit our elder son said, "Dad we love and respect you, but you know, with friends there are no boundaries, and sometimes, we take you for granted. When we treat you as a friend  we often say or behave silly, sometimes even disrespectful. When we behave like that with you, and even though you never get offended, we  deeply regret it. This is why, it is better that we be more respectful, than friendly."

"Wow! I did not see that one coming", I told myself. 

I realised it is the fashion to be friends with one's children, but there is big difference between being friends and being friendly.

Maybe you should ask yourself and your children the same question.