You don't love me

The wife came into the room, snatched the remote control, switched off the TV and said,  "You do not love me".

"Hey! What are you doing? The match is at a crucial stage. "
"See you don't love me, a stupid match is more important than me"
'Damn, how could you say such a thing?" Her flabbergasted husband asked.
"I am breaking my back and killing myself to take care of you and our family".
"Have you forgotten the jewellery I bought you for your last birthday?"
" Did I not take you to Europe for our anniversary?"
"I did this ..., and I did that ...'  and I bought you that .....,  blah blah."
"Don't I give you enough money for your comforts and to enjoy yourself?"

The wife replied, "You are impossible. I am getting this feeling for quite some time now.I will repeat it again and again, you don't love me. You think all that matters is money?"


"I don't understand you at all", he said, taking the house keys and slamming the door shut as he left the house, to figure out the complex and incomprehensible nature of women.


He walked briskly trying to cool his mind. Soon he felt tired and sat on the bench next to the kind and elderly Mrs. Kochhar.  She always looked calm with a serene face.

___________________________________

"Hello Gurdeep, you look upset?
"Yes Aunty, I just had a fight with my wife.  I can't understand her. What more does she want from me?"

Mrs. Kochhar heard Gurdeep  pour his heart out, and she tapped the back of his hand, comfortingly and said, "Don't worry these things happen in all marriages, and they eventually sort themselves out."

Mrs. Kochhar: "May I ask you some questions?"
Gurdeep: "No problems, please ask."

Mrs. Kochhar: "How many years have you been married?"
Gurdeep: "Four years."

Mrs. Kochhar: "How long did your courtship last?"
Gurdeep: "About a year."
Mrs. Kochhar: "How did you spend your time during your courtship?"

Gurdeep: "Oh! We went for long walks, went to the movies, shopping, she loves to trek so we used  to go quite often during the weekend on treks, you know stuff like that."

Mrs. Kochhar: "In the last year how often did you go to the movies, or go for walks or treks?"

Gurdeep: "Hardly, I don't have the time.  My work is too demanding."
Mrs. Kochhar: "Do you really love your wife?"

Gurdeep: "At this moment, I am so angry that I am not so sure, but in my heart I feel I love her."
Mrs. Kochhar: "If you love her, then when was the last time you made her feel that you loved her?" She continued, "Beta, a woman can be pleased by gifts and things, only for a while. If you love her then show her, do the things that show that you love her. Ignoring her or taking her for granted is not the best way to show your love."

Mrs. Kochhar: "All she is trying to say to you is, **'love me or even hate me, but never be indifferent to me'**. A woman will never tell you that directly, because no one can beg for love or security or even attention. Love has to be felt not told or purchased."

Gurdeep went home, saw the untouched food on the table. Crept into the darkened bedroom and got into the bed next to his wife. He cautiously snuggled up to her and whispered into her ear,  I am sorry, I shouted at you, I love you."

She just turned around and gave him a hug. Her wet face showed that she had been crying.

At that moment Gurdeep learnt another important lesson of life which eludes many men. 

When your woman complains that you do not love her, all she is saying is 
'Don't ignore me. I want your attention, to show me that you care for me and our relationship.'
He should not demean the relationship by reminding her how much he has provided for her materially. While she appreciates his providing or gifting her things, she wants to know and feel that he loves her and cares for her.
This is one of the secrets of a healthy relationship. Not to take the other for granted. 

Give her your friendship and love, and your genuine attention. Spend time to listen to her. It may seem trivial or irrelevant, but it may be important to her or she just wants to bond. Try to indulge her a little and see your life being transformed for the better. You will most likely live each day happily, more respected and definitely much more loved.

Of course there is no guarantee but, you will probably never again hear the words, 'You don't love me'.

           

Is marriage good for men?

Socrates the great philosopher had a difficult marriage. 

A student desired to get married but was not sure what to do, so he came to Socrates and asked' "Master I wish to get married, will it be good for me?"
Socrates replied, "If you find a good woman and she makes you happy, then I suppose that is good for you. However of you find a wife who makes you unhappy, you will become a philosopher and that also is not a bad thing".

It is said that "A man is incomplete until he is married, then he is finished."

Foot in Mouth Disease?

My friend Seema calls me an expert. My chest always puffed up with pride, until one day she shared with me her definition of an 'expert'.
An expert is someone who is never in doubt but frequently in error!!

I realised a little late in the day that she was merely being polite for an ailment which can be labelled as 'foot in mouth' disease.

Upon this great realisation, I was curious to determine if I belonged to a small group or a larger community that had been afflicted with this malady. I am glad to inform you that this problem is quite common but lays dormant until triggered by any of the following phenomena;

A powerful trigger for turning into an expert is to get elected to office. Does not matter which office, any office will do. Even getting elected to the management committee of a housing society or your local club will bestow upon you the crown of all knowledge.

Some acquire money, some are born with it, and some have it thrust upon them. Wealth thrusts people into the world of experts. It does not matter whether it was plundered , earned, or acquired in the old fashioned way, that is to inherit it, the person is instantly transformed into an expert.

The third way to become an expert is to become the boss of some poor creatures at work. The boss knows everything.

The fastest and most certain way to gain expertise is of course to get married. You will immediately acquire an expert. Whether this makes your life better is questionable, but it will certainly make it interesting, at least for a while.

Last but no less powerful and all pervasive mother of all expert sources is to become a parent. No one knows better than a parent. As the quote goes "You may fool some people all the time, you may fool all the people some of the time but you can never fool Mom." Parents apparently wear the crown of all knowledge.

Before you begin to feel sorry for all these different types of experts and the great burden they have to bear in the upliftment of mere mortals you may want to review the mumblings or should I say bumblings of some other great experts;

• We don't need you. You haven't got through college yet. -
  Hewlett Packard excuse to Steve Jobs, who founded Apple Computers instead.


• I think there's a world market for about maybe five computers. -
  Thomas J. Watson, chairman of the board of IBM


• Everything that can be invented has been invented.
  Charles H. Duell, Office of Patents, 1899


• 640K memory for a computer ought to be enough for anybody -
  Bill Gates, Microsoft, 1981


• There will never be a bigger plane built. - A Boeing Engineer, after the first flight of the 247, a twin engine plane that carried ten people.


• Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value. -
  Marechal Ferdinand, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.


• We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out. -
  Decca Executive, 1962, after turning down the Beatles


• There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. -
  Ken Olson, president of Digital Equipment Corp. 1977


• This telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. - Western Union, memo, 1876


• No imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
  David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urging investment in the radio in the 1920's


• Who wants to hear actors talk? -
  H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927


• While theoretically and technically television may be feasible, commercially and financially it is an impossibility. -
  Lee DeForest, inventor


• Radio has no future. Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. X-rays will prove to be a hoax.
  Lord Kelvin English scientist, 1899 ( William Thomson)