If the schools remain shut much longer, then ........

Youth, rebellion and conformity

The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.

- Quentin Crisp

Eyes on the sky - Alfred Gockel

Burn Out

Photo by Sanjay Kothari.    www.sanjaykothari.com      

Burnout

Complaining has become a national pastime. Though pessimism makes people appear intelligent and concerned, no complainer ever solved any problem.

People foolishly think, that merely by wringing their hands and clicking on 'likes' on social media their problems will somehow magically get solved.

People who can do anything usually do something. It seems that those who cannot do anything, usually complain. Actually, most people can actually do something, rarely try,  because they suffer from something called 'Burnout'.

What is burnout?
First reported by researchers in 1974 to describe long term unresolvable stress. Simply put 'Burnout' is the feeling of helplessness and the realisation that it is futile to even try to effect any change. 

Though there are many reasons, modern social expectations and work pressure seems to be the main culprit for burnout. Burnout produces cynical, bad tempered people who suffer from physical and emotional exhaustion. Burnt-out individuals display 80% of the same symptoms as people suffering clinical depression.

Modernity has mostly produced a depersonalised humanity, a society of organisations, which are directly or indirectly connected to an obscenely gigantic government. 
No individual is free to say, do or pursue what he or she wants without being challenged or obstructed by some organisation, usually a government department or organisation. Most organisations being bureaucratic in nature, over time rot and become dysfunctional. Therefore they tend to be unresponsive and significantly detached from the needs of the people they employ or are paid to serve, they become obstructive.
  

Its important to remember that in any conflict between a good individual and a bad system, the bad system always wins. This is because the faceless organisation has the resources power and time to frustrate and exhaust the individual. 


A cruel but powerful illustration of burnout can be observed in an experiment carried out by scientists on rats in a laboratory. 

In this experiment rats were placed in two different cages. 
Both cages were wired so that disturbing electricity could flow through the floor of the cage. However in first cage there existed a red lever, which, when bumped against would cause the electrical current to cease flowing. In the second cage there were no options to stop the electrical current flow by the rats.

When activated the first group of mice very quickly learnt to stop the current by bumping against the lever. They neutralised the threat having learnt how to respond. 

In the second group the mice went into a frenzy whenever the current was passed and after some time they merely lay down to await their death..

Now the group of mice were interchanged between the cages. The same current was passed. The mice that learnt of the red lever kept on trying to find solutions. Eventually this group of mice tore open the bottom of the aluminium cage and chewed and short circuited the wires and shut off the flow of the deadly current. They had developed an attitude to find solutions and survive.


 The second group even though having an option to stop the current simply lay down and waited for death rather than looking for solutions. Solutions that were there glaringly right in front of them. They were experiencing burnout.



This is why a small chain can tether a large elephant , because as a calf the baby elephant is conditioned to believe that fighting the chain is useless and the creature should stay put when the chain is fastened around its foot. Its burnout in childhood.  


The human animal is not much different and this is why organised religions take so much interest in the education of the young. Mass education often burns out children before they can even flower.

Have you noticed that many organisations phase out people after a particular age in spite of them being knowledgeable and experienced. Why? Because the system has burnt them out.
They are unable to cope with change and adapt.


Burnout results in people being defeated by indifference, incompetence etc. This could help explain why citizens are unmoved by harmful things like pollution, crime, corruption, violence and unresponsive organisations and governments etc. Once burnt-out people get emasculated and become docile and passive. 

This is why revolutions and changes are almost always initiated by young people that have not yet burnt-out. They do not know what they cannot do, so they often do the seemingly impossible or inconceivable.


Even for the not so young, there is hope, for humans are very resilient. 'The Yellow Vest Protest' revolution currently consuming France shows that, given enough provocation, passion can often be reignited even in Burnt-Out people. 

_________________

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Hold my hand

A little girl was walking along a path with her father when they came to a treacherous section. Instinctively the father stretched out his hand to his daughter and said; "Here hold my hand."

The daughter replied; "No dad you hold my hand."

The father was confused, "What is the difference, whether you hold my hand or I hold yours?"

The little girl smilingly said, "If I hold your hand and stumble I may let go off your hand, but if you hold my hand I know you will never ever let go."

---

What a lovely narration I had received from a friend on this father's day. I called up my father to hear his voice and to tell him I loved him and how I wished I could be with him on this day.

Somewhere along the way when we tasted the fruits of success we forgot an important fact. Our achievements were the result not only of our labour but also the investment of, values, wisdom of our teachers our elders and most of all our parents in us. As long as our parents watched over us, blessed us and prayed for us we were invincible.

If put in a spiritual context I believe that each person is nurtured and protected by a protective umbrella of the blessings of our parents and God. I have personally experienced it. Soon after we let go our our parents shunned their blessings ignored their love, we as a family went into total decline. This is also experienced by many people no matter what their age is, who feel exposed and vulnerable upon the passing away of a parent or beloved elder.

Their love and blessing I always had, but I had travelled too far down the road. I worked hard to journey back over many years to become worthy of them. Now with their love, and blessings my life has blossomed once again.




As with each interaction I reflected on this issue and my mind opened a window in which I saw the image of an uncle and his tortured existence. While I am lucky to be able to serve my parents and obtain their blessings and love, a distant Uncle of mine in Thailand is not so fortunate. His parents are not with him and neither are most of his siblings.

He lost the love and blessings of his parents and all his siblings who were older than him. His material growth and his physical /emotional decline started almost 45 years ago with the complete nationalisation of all private assets by the Burmese government in 1964.

As the Burmese government nationalised everything most Indians fled Burma. My extremely wealthy and honourable grand-uncle converted his entire wealth from cash to rubies and arranged to have them smuggled them out from Burma to his youngest son in Bangkok, so that the family could start life all over again.

This uncle receive all the wealth and set up a very successful business. When his brothers escaped from Burma they called upon this uncle who turned his back on his brothers claiming that all he received was a pittance and the wealth that the brothers saw was the result of his personal hard work and therefore they could not expect anything from him.

The heartbroken brothers felt cheated by their youngest brother. They dispersed all over the world and started to rebuild their lives all over again from scratch. They had neither the time nor the energy for conflict and revenge. They simply stopped thinking of their enormous wealth and a brother, as if he never ever existed at all.

My grand-uncle was a giant of an achiever. He was brilliant and hardworking, but age was not on his side. The shock of the betrayal of his son so traumatised him that he fell ill. He passed away thirty five years ago, a sad and bitter man. On his deathbed he cursed his son; " He who has so wrongfully cheated his own family would never ever be able to enjoy the wealth that he had stolen".

It appears from visible facts that the curse has all but destroyed my uncle and his family. He who allegedly wronged his brothers fell seriously ill soon after the death of his father.

For past 30 years this uncle has lost use of his body and he lies on his bed in his fabulous mansion. Surrounded day and night by a battery of doctors and nurses with no friends nor companions. He cannot move and lies on his bed with most of the systems in his body having failed.

The puncture made in his throat by his doctors permits him to breathe and to be fed by various tubes. A sad sight he makes in addition to the almost unbearable eerie rasping noise his breathing makes.

This almost completely paralysed man my uncle, the owner of millions of dollars, but not of his own life and body. He can only move one arm. His torment is magnified by an extremely alert mind as he wallows in his misery. My uncle is prepared to give up all his wealth to make right his folly and greed, alas it is too late. His father and most of his family have passed away a long time ago. He has no one to make peace with.

I know fathers are difficult people and they exasperate us, but if we look beyond the obvious at the sublime we will catch a glimpse of our creator. So starting this father's day let us cherish our parents, tell and show them that we love them.

I have come to appreciate that we must be humble enough to overlook their weaknesses, love them for their strengths and all the goodness they have showered on us and fear them for their wrath.

I pray that all those that have the good fortune of receiving the love and blessing of your parents continue to do so, and those that have somehow lost that love and goodwill will in the coming days have the opportunity to earn their blessings and love once again.

I remember that everyday is 'Fathers Day'

Sat Sri Akal Daddy ji.

Last week my 83 year old father had a brain seizure. His brilliant brain, sort of short circuited, and he was suddenly mentally incoherent. All this caused by a condition called hypoatremia, where sodium levels in the body plummet.

As I sit by his bedside in the Intensive care unit of the hospital I listen to my father. Dad has lost touch with reality. Random communications tumble out of his mouth.

I observe that Dad is not fully conscious, yet he was struggling very systematically to undo the knots and bindings that strap his wrists to the hospital bed ( to prevent him from pulling out the various tubes and needles plunged into his frail body). I admired his persistent and combative nature fighting challenges even in his semi conscious state.

My admiration soon evaporates, and I am suddenly filled with dread and gloom. I realise that I may never be able to sit and talk about God, life, philosophy or politics and a thousand other things. We might never be able to share jokes and laugh again. I sense a strange hollowness in my being.

The hospital room is stifling and I go for a walk, I meet a couple of friends and try to pretend that everything is ok, Maybe this is just a bad dream, one from which I will wake up and learn that my anguish was caused by a trick played on me by my mind.

In the life of a family where you stay and work together, there is a lot of scope to do stupid stuff, to say and do things which we look back with regret in later years.
I and my father had our share of disagreements. I was too keen on doing things right and he was keen on getting things done asap (as soon as possible). I can't help but feel that he has been a better dad than I have been a son.

Dad and I were estranged for several years. Maybe it was a blessing that we lost everything that was material and thus eventually found our love in each other again. He hasn't changed that much but I have learnt to be a better son. I no longer wish to change him, I merely want to be with him.

Traditionally Indians have described their fathers as 'Anna Datha' the provider and hence life giver. The same term is also used for God. The one who gives and protects us. This we so readily forget.

I can recall numerous instances where our father walked those extra miles to get us whatever we desired or needed to guide and protect us, sometimes excessively. We were sometimes unreasonable and selfish, yet he never refused us anything, ever.

I remember when I was about 8 years of age and studying as a boarder in Bishops School, Pune. I can vividly recall my Dad riding one chilly morning into the school on a Lambaretta scooter with a bundle of blankets, one for each of us brothers. He had sensed that the winter was exceptionally cold and he had travelled 200 kilometers to Pune to get us extra blankets so that we would be warm.

My life is full of many kind acts of my parents and I am sure there in everyone’s life. The tragedy is, we seem to have a selective memory of remembering clearly the few unpleasant things they may have said or done while remaining blank on all the wonderful things and the sacrifices they have made for us.

It is difficult to understand human behaviour. Maybe it is best to stop rationalising and start feeling. I now know that feelings of love and gratitude humble us, and make us better people.

I feel blessed that I can look after my aging parents and my widowed aunt. Not to be their feeder and caretaker but to be their companion. This is always easier when you have a compassionate and supportive spouse.

All those who are born must leave us someday. Between the borning and the departing is but a short spell. Let us not waste it on collecting things at the price of losing family and friends.

I have nowhere to go and nothing to do. I want to just bask in the love and blessings of my parents. A service only lucky children are privileged to get.

I pray that my dad gets well soon and we can have a little more time together, doing nothing more than enjoying the passage of time.

I remember my Uncle Manohar Singh ji with whom I stayed for many years and who looked after my Grandmother with great devotion and love, once remarked; "The elderly need so little , but they need that little, so much".