Why does familiarity usually lead to contempt?

When we get together with friends and family we let down the masks we wear and drop the persona we adopt in front of the world, and mostly revert to being ourselves.

Family and friendship seems to grant to us the privilege to be ourselves. And by ourselves we are often irrational, emotional and unique and that make individuals appear strange to others.

Everyone is different and it is difficult if not impossible for people to be just like us and we constantly look for faults in our family and friends. Since these very people are in the inner circle of our existence we are very familiar with them and their character.

Whenever two creatures come together a hierarchy comes into being because the laws of nature dictate that overtly or subtly one tries to dominate the other. We try to make members of our group family, friends and colleagues come around to and conform to our way of thinking, talking and behaving and rise to our expectations. No one can meet our expectations or satisfy us, this is  in part because our own expectations themselves are constantly changing.

If we are more controlled by our animal instincts than our human qualities our familiarity with family, friend, and colleagues will make us feel contempt for them.

If we dare to be inspired and evolve both emotionally and intellectually, we will come to accept our family, friends and colleagues unconditionally, and try to adapt ourselves with their strengths and shortcomings to get the best out of them and ourselves.

Do not walk ahead of me, I might not follow,

Do not walk behind me, I might not lead,

Just walk beside me and be my friend.

It seems that both following and leading can be problematic. As the Guru taught us, "I am everyone's friend".

Vitality of Laughter

 Laughter is a natural and universal phenomenon witnessed in every society through all times. In some cultures it comes easy and increasingly in some societies it has been greatly repressed particularly in public.

A society that cannot laugh is unnatural and one can judge how liberated a civilisation is, by how easily and openly the people laugh. 

Government officials, bosses of all kinds, rich and powerful people, priests and clergy, Masters and teachers, and in short, people who wield any position of authority, generally consider their presence in society as very important, even vital. With seemingly  heavy weight on their shoulders they generally find it difficult to smile, leave alone laugh.

The great philosopher Osho made a vital observation. When we laugh, our mind stops  analysing, thoughtless and free from anxiety, greed, regret, etc. This is exactly the same state we attain in meditation, to be free of the mind.

When we genuinely laugh, for those precious few moments  we get disconnected from our material, mental, and emotional worlds. abandoning by reflex our artificial selves and revert to our most natural childlike, innocent state of being.  The very same goal sought by all great masters.

It is at that moment we [encounter the sacred](https://www.guruwonder.in/post/happiness-is-our-encounter-with-the-sacred). 

We will laugh, and laugh frequently when we look at the absurdity of reality and of human existence and our ways. If we can only get over the ridiculous notion that laughter is a sign of the  socially, financially, politically, intellectually and religiously lowly, we could easily progress in nourishing and setting free our spirit.

I crack jokes all the time, and don't mind it when my family and friends point out my idiosyncrasies and strangeness, after all I am human and unique just like everyone else. Laughing at oneself is spiritually therapeutic, for it tends to demolish our arrogance and release us from our ego (ego being an artificial construct we use to identify and define ourselves). This is a precondition for spiritual liberation.

This is why every royal court had a jester, a person who reveals the heavy truth in a light manner to let the monarch and the court know that they are but mortal and thus keep the monarch and his subjects sane and balanced.

The possibility of laughter is universally available to everyone, and probably the easiest way to meditate. Laughing frequently will lightly and in small steps could lead us to spiritual liberation.

Have you laughed recently?

It is time of the season, but without awakening, there can be no cheer.

 

 

Wish you Happy, Happy ...,   Happy This, Happy That. 

Seasons greetings, are more common this time of the year. Yet in spite of the brave faces and the plastic smiles, hardly anyone feels particularly cheerful or happy.

Instead of Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, the tone is definitely Merry Crisis and a Happy New Fear. 

Fear is driving a wedge between us. We have grown distant from one another over the past year and even more from ourselves, because of genuine but more so due to imaginary fears.

In fact, 99% of the things and events we are fearful of never actually occur. Then why are we so fearful?

Fear of any kind is considered the most effective method to control and exploit a people.

If we look carefully at the origins of the fear, we will discover that the proponents of fearful belief are the very same people who stand to benefit from providing us solutions to our fears. The media of course is almost always complicit in the spread of these fears.

An unawakened mind finds it difficult to differentiate between rumour and fact. Most of us possess conscious but unawakened minds. That is the ability to see and sense but lack the ability to differentiate between fact and fiction. This is why we live in fear.

We do not need magic or therapy to awaken our minds, just to be one's own best friend and be honest with oneself. To take time to self examine our situation.

To speak with oneself for the answers to our own problems can best be found within our own being. Once the answer is found, the path to negotiate through the various  conundrums in life come forth almost by themselves.

I send you greetings and wishes, hoping that you become and remain your own best friend. The  easiest way to awakening the self.

A question of love

We are not a half, looking for the other half to complete us.
We are complete by ourselves. 

What we term as 'needing love' is the need for sympathy, understanding, compassion, friendship or even sex.

Those who demand love are beggars, those who give it are emperors.
Both never tire. The former, of asking, always remains dissatisfied and unhappy, the latter of giving, and always happy.

Even if we seem to have lost love, we can always regain it.  Because love is not something to be acquired, it is something to be given. 

It is a good time to ask ourselves, 'Am I a beggar or an emperor?'

Please, keep us close to you.

Last year Mohini and I spent a quiet new year's eve. We visited the Gurudwara followed by a quiet dinner. Then the rest of the evening and night was spent at home, babysitting and enjoying the antics of our two naughty grandsons.

As we grey, we spend a lot of time reminiscing. We recalled a new year we celebrated many, many years ago, in 1996.

"Dad, can we come with you and mom this  evening to the new year party?" asked our 15 year old son, Mohit, accompanied by his 13 year old sibling, Pavit.

"Of course not", I retorted. "Don't cling to us. You better go along with your friends. That is who you should be spending your new year time with."

It didn't bother me the least, that Mohit, looked crest fallen, for I was making a man out of my son. He had to learn to be strong and independent.

In fact, I felt damn proud of myself, as I left for work.

That evening Mohini my wife asked, "What did you say to Mohit? Why can't the boys come with us? I have spoken to our friends, and they are quite comfortable if the boys come with us to the dinner and party. Please let them come."

"No! My decision is made, and please don't argue with me", I said curtly.

"Do you know what your son said? Do you have any idea what is going on in that young boy's mind and heart?" Mohini asked.

"Don't make a sissy out of him", I scolded her.

She sat me down and quoted Mohit. 

"Mom, very soon I will be busy, with my friends in college and then my professional studies in engineering.  My studies and career will consume nearly all my time and marriage thereafter. We have only these few years remaining,  that the four of us can spend real quality time together. We will never have this time again." 

He continued "I want to spend these years with you both and Pavit so that I can relish these times for all my life.  This is why I want us to be with you.  So Mama, please keep us close to you, while you can."

My macho arrogance, had blinded me and had stolen my empathy and love. It had made me both senseless and heartless. 

Could I not have had the same conversation with my son as Mohini had? 

Why had I failed to hear and feel what our son so dearly felt?

In this matter, who was showing greater wisdom and maturity, the father or the son?

Tears welled in my eyes and I wanted to kick myself. How could I make it up to him? I went to his room, and there he sat reading a book. 

With a weak smile he said, "Mom explained everything to me. Dad, it's ok, if you cannot take us with you. You and mom have a great time. Pavit and I will just chill out at home and watch TV."

I walked up to him, grasped his shoulders, stood him up. I embraced him real tight, and kissed him on his forehead. I said, "I am sorry, I refused you in the morning. On second thought, its a great idea that you came with us."

The four of us went together, to the new year party. We joked about and laughed so much that our stomachs ached, we danced until our legs hurt.  Then we danced and laughed even more... . The easy spontaneity,  fun, bonding and love, made it a fabulous, unforgettable happy evening, 

Thanks to Mohini and our sons, I became a better father and human being. 

Now 22 years later everything has happened almost exactly as Mohit foresaw it.  Even though we all stay together, our lives travelling in different orbits, allow us fewer  occasions to spend time together.

Our sons have grown up, are married, and fathers now. Its but natural that they devote their lives to the future. Their time is devoted to their work, wives, children, friends and associates. We have to struggle to find quality time as a joint family. 

Nowadays when the six of us and our grandsons get to spend time together, we still enjoy ourselves a lot, but it is somewhat different. The love and the magic is there, but it is not so overpowering anymore. Its not so intense and definitely less insane. 

.

Mohini and I draw consolation from Khalil Gibran's words, "Our children come through us, but they belong not to us ........". 

To remain happy in marriage

In courtship we take great effort to please the partner. Each partner to win over the  affection and respect of the other, makes an effort to be interesting, thoughtful, and usually on his or her best  behaviour. Most often we put on an act suppressing our natural impulses.

We try very hard to live the unrealistic romantic dream, as depicted in romantic television serials, movies, novels, songs, poems, etc.. When we take our marriage vows, we expect that life would be a dreamy fairy tale. 

Most discover that love may be blind but marriage is an eye opener.

Marriage jolts people because we believe that once we have acquired the partner, we can stop pretending. The reality may still be beautiful but we become unhappy because we think the partner has changed, whereas the partner has just reverted to being his or her normal self.

Is the reality bad or are the expectations unrealistic? 

Each individual is a unique and strange creature, who the other partner wishes to mould as per their expectations. Nothing disappoints us more than unfulfilled expectations.

It is the nature of the human being to, favour what we do not have over what we already possess. That is why we remain in awe of people we cannot possess. 

Anyone who is worth possessing simply cannot be possessed. We can choose to accept others as they are or be unhappy.

Each one of us is a unique and strange creature but that itself is our beauty. To accept that strangeness rather than trying to reform people to conform to our expectations is a key to happiness.

Typically men marry, thinking women will never change, but they do. Women believe the man will change, but men never change.

To remain happy, see goodness and beauty in the other, while understanding the flaws in one self. Give more than we demand just as we did during courtship and we have a very good chance of being happy as individuals  and as couples.

_____________

Excerpts from my upcoming book - 'Finding Success and Happiness' 

Contact:

Telephone: +91 957 951 0353

Email: Guru Wonder

About Guru Wonder:

Blog - Website - Facebook - Twitter - linkedin - SikhNet

Don't stop being engaged

_____________

Excerpts from my upcoming book - 'Finding Success and Happiness' 

Contact:

Telephone: +91 957 951 0353

Email: Guru Wonder

About Guru Wonder:

Blog - Website - Facebook - Twitter - linkedin - SikhNet

We want freedom - Mahatma Gandhi

"Actually Indians want freedom, but do not want to do anything for it. In fact they will be quite happy that in the process they also make a bit of money."

~ Arun Shourie  

(Quoting Mahatma Gandhi on Indian freedom movement.)

________________________

What do people have to do, to sound wise and noble? 

Complain and express pessimism. Right amount of  concern will get people to even think you to be noble.

Everyday I am deluged by mails, from people  expressing great pessimism and a deep concern for the present situation. Talk, talk, talk, complain, complain and complain. 

Just wringing one's hands, or assigning blame never resolved any problem.  The media is best at this, they make a noise but never offer solutions. Most reporting is biased and stacked in favour of those who make them money and give them more power. Many people usually intelligent ones with a lot of free time on their hands are generally also very good at only complaining.

All this is so exhausting and mostly fruitless.

Many believe the government should fix all problems. That is a ridiculous expectation. If I want something I strive for it individually and collectively. Luckily some of the complainers have ideas of how the problems could be solved. 

Some readers have proposed the coming together of people who share similar aspirations and concerns. I love the idea and request suggestions and thoughts on making the world a better place.

Third Places and Vibrant Communities

Humans are social animals who band together in cohesive groups called tribes or communities. This provides safety, companionship, pleasure, learning, livelihood and profit to individuals.

Typically a community comprises about 500 to 1000 individuals, connected to each by factors, such as, religious faith, profession, extended family, sport, politics, etc.

Communities vitally need venues where people can meet in a neutral environment and in an informal manner for individuals to socialise. Such a venue we could call as **'third place.'**

The first place is where people reside, at their homes, the second place is where people go to work, and the third place is where people go to socialise.

Communities with vibrant third places develop into centres of shared learning, art, culture, sport and the people enjoy a much higher standard of quality of life.

What are the requirements for a third place?

There are generally eight factors that are typical of third places. 

Neutral ground

Occupants of third places have little to no obligation to be there. They are not tied down to the area financially, politically, legally, or otherwise and are free to come and go as they please.

Leveler

Third places places no particular importance on an individual's economical or social status in a society. There are no prerequisites or requirements that would prevent acceptance or participation in the third place.

Community Kitchen

                                 

Conversation is main activity

Playful and happy conversation is the main but not the only activity in third places. The tone of conversation is usually light hearted and humorous; 

Accessibility and accommodation

Third places are open and readily accessible to those who occupy them. They are also accommodating, to meet the  wants of their inhabitants.

The regulars

Third places harbour a number of regulars that help give the space its tone, and help set the mood and characteristics of the area. Regulars assist newcomers to feel welcome and accommodated.

A low profile

Third places are characteristically wholesome. The inside of a third place is without extravagance or grandiosity, and has a homely feel. 

Football at Hotfut, Pune. India

The mood is playful
The tone of conversation in third places are never marked with tension or hostility. Instead, they have a playful nature, where witty conversation and frivolous banter are not only common, but highly valued.

A home away from home
Occupants of third places will often have the same feelings of warmth, possession, and belonging as they would in their own homes. They feel a piece of themselves is rooted in the space, and gain spiritual regeneration by spending time there.

Urban centres with large populations are mushrooming everywhere. People struggle to find third places which are becoming increasingly rare, if not extinct.

Intellectually and spiritually hollow people.

The desire of governments to monetise any and every available square meter of public space, makes it difficult if not impossible to create vibrant communities

It is no coincidence that the ‘helping professions’ are major and rapidly growing components of our economy as leaders and planners unwittingly help destroy local public life and communities.

Urban sprawl

Even where there are some third places available, people rarely find the time to socialise. 

Shifts from large joint to small nuclear families, non stop 24 hour work timings, has also taken a big toll on family and communities. 

Couple this with stress created by authorities, the total disregard by governments, town planners, encroachment, unsafe environments etc. has extensively damaged if not destroyed communities.

What are third places available to Indians? 

Places of religious worship are the most popular third places in India. They often provide the only succour available to people, for safe socialising. But the downside is that, religous leaders demand blind obedience and sometimes abuse the trust that this obedience provides.

The market place, village and town fairs, celebrating festivals, offer some form of community space. They may be fun, but do not satisfy fully the third place needs of individuals.

Harmandir Sahib,  The Golden Temple. Amritsar. 

Muslims at prayer

There are still some other third places left these days. Some which come to mind are, canteens, tea stalls, chapels, dhabas, play grounds, street corners, beach communities, prayer groups, etc. for the simple people. Then for others there are tea /coffee shops, bars and restaurants, sports and recreational clubs, sports facilities, etc.

Aufside bar and restaurant, Pune.

Social well-being and psychological health of individuals depend upon communities which can only exist where there are vibrant third places.

Third places are not a choice but are a vital necessity and a precondition for healthy communities. For they create habits of public association, and offer psychological support to individuals and communities.

 Nations are relatively a recent phenomenon. Historically the real building block of humanity and a successful civilisation is the family and community. 

Civilisations and governments should be judged by how well they satisfy the safety, livelihood, etc. needs and the quality of life of individuals and communities.

Third Places build strong and resilient communities, and that is the bedrock of a strong, tolerant, peaceful, healthy, vibrant, civilised world. And that is the best legacy we can leave our children.

 _________________________

Written and posted by Gurvinder Singh
Ampav Education & Consulting Pvt. Ltd. website 
Pune. India

Ampav Education and Consulting is a Pune based organisation committed to evolving better ways to live, work and play. To support programs of the community, for the community, by the community. Please write to us

We would love for you to share your ideas and experiences with us. 

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Savouring Life

We all need challenges to enjoy life. 

Challenge gets our adrenaline flowing enabling us to either fight or take flight, and this in turn creates stress. Some level of stress is in fact healthy and even essential for  us to live exciting and interesting lives. However stress can often become addictive. As with all addictions we need greater and greater doses of excitement to get the same high.

One of the greatest stress creators is modern man's, need for speed. Our lives are running faster and faster, yet rarely do we arrive anywhere meaningful. 

Time is money we are told. Money for whom and what will you do with that money if you have lost your health, your sanity, and your self? We often have no time to enjoy life, nature, our families, our friends and precious moments we live. If we ever do realise our folly, it is often too late in life to do anything about it.

Life is not only to be lived, it has to be savoured. Unfortunately we have come to believe that only through money and power, can we enjoy life and be happy. That too if we have lots of it.

Many things in life can be enjoyed which money cannot afford to buy,  The love and company of family, friendship, sound sleep, good health, mother's cooking, wisdom, etc. etc. 

The sounds and smell of nature, the sun, rain, the breeze, the song of birds and the mischief of youth, the joy of play, music and dance, all these and many other things we increasingly miss in our lives.

When we travel fast we hardly ever notice the scenery and therefore can never admire it or the company of our co-travellers in life. When we zip through life we journey from cradle to the funeral pyre or grave, we hardly get to live. Mere existence is not living, its just existing.

Many years ago I went through a catastrophic personal and business setback. I struggled and I struggled and I struggled, until there was nothing more I could do. 

When all worldly doors close we seek a higher self within our own being. Through the doorway of our soul we seek to find answers and solutions. Eventually, exhausted, I surrendered to God's will. I stopped struggling and that led an awakening.

Now I had time to look within. I now had time to do all the things I should have done all my life, and somehow forgotten to do because I was 'too busy'.

I found I had time to reflect, meditate, pray, go for walks, spend time with my loved ones. I learnt to chew rather than swallow my food. Help out at home, guide and play with the children, read, listen to music and hymns, share stories and fantasies and a hundred other things. I had done many of these things before but grudgingly or almost robotically. Now I savoured them.

I do not regret the years I spent working very hard, for I learnt many things,  achieved some spectacular results, numerous setbacks and  discovered my potential, my flaws and essentially myself, but it was always to be greater, reach higher, move faster. It was always more and more of everything.

I met many fascinating people and worked with amazing colleagues who taught me much. Many liked me and some even loved me but I was too busy and oblivious of their affection.

I still work hard. I teach, consult, and mentor individuals and organisations,  and many other things, but all with greater meaning. No issue is too minor, nor is any relationship too demanding.  A joy fills my being, for I no longer live life but savour it.

____________________

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.” 

 - W.M. Lewis

You don't love me

The wife came into the room, snatched the remote control, switched off the TV and said,  "You do not love me".

"Hey! What are you doing? The match is at a crucial stage. "
"See you don't love me, a stupid match is more important than me"
'Damn, how could you say such a thing?" Her flabbergasted husband asked.
"I am breaking my back and killing myself to take care of you and our family".
"Have you forgotten the jewellery I bought you for your last birthday?"
" Did I not take you to Europe for our anniversary?"
"I did this ..., and I did that ...'  and I bought you that .....,  blah blah."
"Don't I give you enough money for your comforts and to enjoy yourself?"

The wife replied, "You are impossible. I am getting this feeling for quite some time now.I will repeat it again and again, you don't love me. You think all that matters is money?"


"I don't understand you at all", he said, taking the house keys and slamming the door shut as he left the house, to figure out the complex and incomprehensible nature of women.


He walked briskly trying to cool his mind. Soon he felt tired and sat on the bench next to the kind and elderly Mrs. Kochhar.  She always looked calm with a serene face.

___________________________________

"Hello Gurdeep, you look upset?
"Yes Aunty, I just had a fight with my wife.  I can't understand her. What more does she want from me?"

Mrs. Kochhar heard Gurdeep  pour his heart out, and she tapped the back of his hand, comfortingly and said, "Don't worry these things happen in all marriages, and they eventually sort themselves out."

Mrs. Kochhar: "May I ask you some questions?"
Gurdeep: "No problems, please ask."

Mrs. Kochhar: "How many years have you been married?"
Gurdeep: "Four years."

Mrs. Kochhar: "How long did your courtship last?"
Gurdeep: "About a year."
Mrs. Kochhar: "How did you spend your time during your courtship?"

Gurdeep: "Oh! We went for long walks, went to the movies, shopping, she loves to trek so we used  to go quite often during the weekend on treks, you know stuff like that."

Mrs. Kochhar: "In the last year how often did you go to the movies, or go for walks or treks?"

Gurdeep: "Hardly, I don't have the time.  My work is too demanding."
Mrs. Kochhar: "Do you really love your wife?"

Gurdeep: "At this moment, I am so angry that I am not so sure, but in my heart I feel I love her."
Mrs. Kochhar: "If you love her, then when was the last time you made her feel that you loved her?" She continued, "Beta, a woman can be pleased by gifts and things, only for a while. If you love her then show her, do the things that show that you love her. Ignoring her or taking her for granted is not the best way to show your love."

Mrs. Kochhar: "All she is trying to say to you is, **'love me or even hate me, but never be indifferent to me'**. A woman will never tell you that directly, because no one can beg for love or security or even attention. Love has to be felt not told or purchased."

Gurdeep went home, saw the untouched food on the table. Crept into the darkened bedroom and got into the bed next to his wife. He cautiously snuggled up to her and whispered into her ear,  I am sorry, I shouted at you, I love you."

She just turned around and gave him a hug. Her wet face showed that she had been crying.

At that moment Gurdeep learnt another important lesson of life which eludes many men. 

When your woman complains that you do not love her, all she is saying is 
'Don't ignore me. I want your attention, to show me that you care for me and our relationship.'
He should not demean the relationship by reminding her how much he has provided for her materially. While she appreciates his providing or gifting her things, she wants to know and feel that he loves her and cares for her.
This is one of the secrets of a healthy relationship. Not to take the other for granted. 

Give her your friendship and love, and your genuine attention. Spend time to listen to her. It may seem trivial or irrelevant, but it may be important to her or she just wants to bond. Try to indulge her a little and see your life being transformed for the better. You will most likely live each day happily, more respected and definitely much more loved.

Of course there is no guarantee but, you will probably never again hear the words, 'You don't love me'.

           

Is marriage good for men?

Socrates the great philosopher had a difficult marriage. 

A student of Socrates, desired to get married but was not sure what to do. So he came to Socrates and asked' "Master I wish to get married, will it be good for me?"

Socrates replied, 

"If you find a good woman and she makes you happy, then I suppose that is good for you. 

However if she does not make you happy, then you will become a philosopher, and that is not a bad thing".

It is said that, 

"A man is incomplete until he is married, then he is finished".

22 Things that we can learn from happy people

There are two types of people in the world: those who are happy, and those who are unhappy. Contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn't come from fame, fortune, other people, or material possessions. Rather, it comes from within.
 

 The richest person in the world could be miserable while a homeless person could be right outside, smiling and content with their life. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy. They maintain a positive outlook on life and remain at peace with themselves.
 

  The question is: How do they do that?
  It's quite simple. Happy people have good habits that enhance their lives. They do things differently. Ask any happy person, and they will tell you that they ...
 

 1. Don't hold grudges.
  Happy people understand that it's better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you'll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life.

  2. Treat everyone with kindness.
  Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

  3. See problems as challenges.
  The word "problem" is never part of a happy person's vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

  4. Express gratitude for what they already have.
  There's a popular saying that goes something like this: "The happiest people don't have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have."
You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don't have.

   5. Dream big.
  People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don't. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

  6. Don't sweat the small stuff.
  Happy people ask themselves, "Will this problem matter a year from now?" They understand that life's too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

  7. Speak well of others.
  Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

  8. Never make excuses.
  Benjamin Franklin once said, "He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else." Happy people don't make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

  9. Get absorbed into the present.
  Happy people don't dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they're doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

  10. Wake up at the same time every morning.
  Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

  11. Avoid social comparison.
  Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you're better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You'll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

  12. Choose friends wisely.
  Misery loves company. That's why it's important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

  13. Never seek approval from others.
  Happy people don't care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it's impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone's approval but your own.

   14. Take the time to listen.
  Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others' wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

  15. Nurture social relationships.
  A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

  16. Meditate.
  Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don't have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

  17. Eat well.
  Junk food makes you sluggish, and it's difficult to be happy when you're in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body's ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

  18. Exercise.
  Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

  19. Live minimally.
  Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

  20. Tell the truth.
  Lying stresses you out, corrodes your self-esteem, and makes you unlikeable. The truth will set you free. Being honest improves your mental health and builds others' trust in you. Always be truthful, and never apologize for it.

  21. Establish personal control.
  Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don't let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one's own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

  22. Accept what cannot be changed.
  Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you'll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

My thanks to Harry Daswani for this piece.