Savouring Life

We all need challenges to enjoy life. 

Challenge gets our adrenaline flowing enabling us to either fight or take flight, and this in turn creates stress. Some level of stress is in fact healthy and even essential for  us to live exciting and interesting lives. However stress can often become addictive. As with all addictions we need greater and greater doses of excitement to get the same high.

One of the greatest stress creators is modern man's, need for speed. Our lives are running faster and faster, yet rarely do we arrive anywhere meaningful. 

Time is money we are told. Money for whom and what will you do with that money if you have lost your health, your sanity, and your self? We often have no time to enjoy life, nature, our families, our friends and precious moments we live. If we ever do realise our folly, it is often too late in life to do anything about it.

Life is not only to be lived, it has to be savoured. Unfortunately we have come to believe that only through money and power, can we enjoy life and be happy. That too if we have lots of it.

Many things in life can be enjoyed which money cannot afford to buy,  The love and company of family, friendship, sound sleep, good health, mother's cooking, wisdom, etc. etc. 

The sounds and smell of nature, the sun, rain, the breeze, the song of birds and the mischief of youth, the joy of play, music and dance, all these and many other things we increasingly miss in our lives.

When we travel fast we hardly ever notice the scenery and therefore can never admire it or the company of our co-travellers in life. When we zip through life we journey from cradle to the funeral pyre or grave, we hardly get to live. Mere existence is not living, its just existing.

Many years ago I went through a catastrophic personal and business setback. I struggled and I struggled and I struggled, until there was nothing more I could do. 

When all worldly doors close we seek a higher self within our own being. Through the doorway of our soul we seek to find answers and solutions. Eventually, exhausted, I surrendered to God's will. I stopped struggling and that led an awakening.

Now I had time to look within. I now had time to do all the things I should have done all my life, and somehow forgotten to do because I was 'too busy'.

I found I had time to reflect, meditate, pray, go for walks, spend time with my loved ones. I learnt to chew rather than swallow my food. Help out at home, guide and play with the children, read, listen to music and hymns, share stories and fantasies and a hundred other things. I had done many of these things before but grudgingly or almost robotically. Now I savoured them.

I do not regret the years I spent working very hard, for I learnt many things,  achieved some spectacular results, numerous setbacks and  discovered my potential, my flaws and essentially myself, but it was always to be greater, reach higher, move faster. It was always more and more of everything.

I met many fascinating people and worked with amazing colleagues who taught me much. Many liked me and some even loved me but I was too busy and oblivious of their affection.

I still work hard. I teach, consult, and mentor individuals and organisations,  and many other things, but all with greater meaning. No issue is too minor, nor is any relationship too demanding.  A joy fills my being, for I no longer live life but savour it.

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"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.” 

 - W.M. Lewis

Please, keep us near

Mohini and I spent this new year eve staying at home to look after our grandson and each other. A visit to the Gurudwara (Sikh temple), followed by a quiet dinner and a surprise visit by our friends Anupam and Priya.

As we grey, we spend half the time looking back and reminiscing. We recalled a new year we celebrated 16 years ago.

"Dad, I want to welcome the new year in with you and mom. Can we come with you to the party you are going with your friends on new years eve?" asked our son Mohit. He was 15 and our younger son Pavit was 13 at that time.

"Of course not", I retorted. "You better go along with your friends, that is who you should be spending your new year time with." 

I simply ignored Mohit's sad and crest fallen look. I was making a man out of my son, he had to learn to be strong and independent. In fact, I felt damn proud of myself as I left for work.

That evening Mohini my wife asked, "What did you say  to Mohit? Why can't the boys come with us? I have spoken to our friends, they are quite comfortable if our boys come with us to the dinner and dance. Please let them come."

"No my decision is made and please don't argue with me", I said curtly.

"Do you know what your son said? Do you have any idea what is going on in that young boy's mind and heart?"

"Don't make a sissy out of him", I scolded her.

She made me sit down and explained to me as a woman often has to explain to her man the eldest child in her family. " He says, mom , very soon I will be busy, with my friends in college and then my professional studies in Engineering,  my working career will dominate and marriage thereafter.  We have only these few years remaining,  that we can four spend real quality time together. I want to spend it with you both so that I can relish it all my life.  This is why I want us to be with you both. We will never have this time again. So please keep us close to you, while you can."

My macho arrogance had blinded me and had stolen my empathy and love. It had made me both senseless and heartless. Could I not have had the same conversation with my son as Mohini had? Why had I failed to hear and feel what he so dearly felt?

Tears welled in my eyes and I wanted to kick myself. How could I make it up to them? I went to his room and their he sat reading a book. He said, "Mom explained everything to me. Dad it's ok, that you cannot take us with you. You and mom have a great time. Pavit and I  will just chill out at home and watch TV."

I walked up to him, stood him up from his chair and embraced him real tight, and kissed him on his forehead. I said, "I am sorry, I refused you in the morning. On second thought, it will be a great idea if you came with us."

We all went together, the four of us, to the new year party. We sang and we danced, and we laughed until our stomachs ached. We then danced and laughed a lot more.. It was a fabulous, unforgettable fun filled evening.

Our sons have grown up and are now married, and Mohit is a father now. Everything has happened almost exactly as he foresaw it. 

With the onset of adulthood, intensity levels and differences in preference are more dramatic. This is only natural. We don't go to many functions or parties together with our children anymore. They devote more time at work,  devote quality time to to their wives, and are comfortable with their friends. 

Nowadays when the six of us do go out together, we still laugh a lot, but it is somewhat different. The love is strong, and that magic is still there, but it is not so overpowering anymore. Not so intense and definitely less insane.