How Superman, is helping fight Coronavirus?

Even Super Heroes stay home to practice 'Social Distancing'. 

Maybe it is a good idea that we do so too.

Midnight Madness - The Sikhs

My stint at studying Engineering at MIT, Manipal was very enriching educationally, intellectually, socially, emotionally and spiritually, whose fruits I enjoy even today for I continue to learn and evolve so much by my continuing interaction with many amazing college mates.

One of my senior friends was a tall, strong and fearless Khalsa Sikh,  [Ragnath Singh Kooner. Like all Panjabi people he is passionate and witty, only a lot more so. In addition he was an excellent student.

Ragnath Singh Kooner

Initially Ragnath's classmates would joke with him and pull his leg, then by and by it got out of hand. All and sundry, every Ram, Tik and Hari classmate jumped on the bandwagon and the jokes began to get mean and increasingly disrespectful.

Each day at noon they would taunt Ragnath Singh 'Sardar ji ke baraa Bajj gaye' (It's 12 O'clock so beware the Sikhs will go crazy).

At first Ragnath shrugged it off, then he requested them and then he warned them. But no one took notice of the protestations of the gentle giant. 

This phrase 'Sardar ji ke baraa Bajj gaye' was actually a warning issued by Mughal, Afghan and Persian leaders to their own men, out of great fear. Fear of the insanely courageous Khalsa Sikhs, though outnumbered would use high speed guerrilla tactics, to attack, wear down and finally defeat the much larger and more powerful invaders. The Sikhs would appear, almost out of nowhere from the dark, charge, attack and decimate the enemy and melt away into the night.

The invaders grew terrified of the Sikhs and would warn their soldiers to remain alert, for the Sikhs will make insane and brutal attacks in the middle of night, so 'beware of the Sardars'.
Sardar ji is a term used for almost all Khalsa Sikhs which literally means leader.

Not only Indians but many in the entire sub-continent owe their very existence today because of the sacrifices and contribution of the Khalsa Sikhs.
Many acknowledge this fact but some stupid and arrogant people may be forgiven for being ignorant of their own history.

The magnificent Sikhs are a proud and noble people, who will gladly die for friendship and a noble cause but are unlikely to tolerate or forgive injustice, cruelty nor disrespect. Ragnath was no exception and one day he made that point to his classmates.

So one day in 1975, there was a brief lull between lectures as the clock struck 12 at noon, some of Ragnath's classmates started taunting him again chanting in unison 'Sardar ji ke baraa Bajj gaye'. 


Suddenly Ragnath Singh  appeared to have lost his mind. He leapt out from behind his desk, shouting. 

Ragnath started kicking, slapping and punching those class mates, who habitually taunted him.  To each person he assaulted he would bring his palms together in the classical 'Sat Sri Akal' greeting/apology saying 'Please forgive me, I don't know what has possessed me' he would then give the poor chap another tight slap. 

Fearing for their safety, some cowered in the corners of the class room and those who could simply fled the classroom. 

Sat Sri Akal -
Meaning 'God is Truth'

The faces and bodies of all those who had been disrespectful of Ragnath and the Sikhs, were badly bruised, as they crept and crawled out of the classroom.

After 2 minutes, a calm and composed Ragnath sat down. Not surprisingly he was the only student in attendance for the next lecture. 

News of the incident spread like wildfire. Some admiring folks came to congratulate Ragnath and most gave him a wide berth. But none ever disrespected or taunted him nor any of the other Sikhs again as long as we studied there.

_________________

What are the lessons I learnt from the incident. 
1. There is a huge difference between, joking and disrespecting. 
2. Decency is often mistaken as timidity and weakness.
3. We humans will try and bully and torment anyone, even a lion if they feel we can intimidate and dominate them. 
4. The true Sikh respects himself or herself and is therefore respectful towards others and always showing great restraint.
5. Many timid people hide within the mob or group and become emboldened. They begin to behave in a manner unlike what they would dare to do so when alone.. 
6. One should never underestimate the fury of honourable and patient men when pushed to the extreme.


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The Statue

A woman was in bed with her lover  when she heard her husband opening the front door. 

'Hurry,' she said, 'Stand in the corner.' 

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 

'Don't move until I tell you,'  she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.' 

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 

'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.' 

No more was said, not even when they went to bed. 

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned  with a sandwich and a cold drink. 

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.' 

What are religions fighting over?

PG Wodehouse, - Great humour again

"He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more."
― P.G. Wodehouse

"At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies."
― P.G. Wodehouse, Uneasy Money

"There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'"
"The mood will pass, sir."
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters

"He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom."
― P.G. Wodehouse

"I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled."
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters

"She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when". "
― P.G. Wodehouse

"I always advise people never to give advice."
― P.G. Wodehouse

"A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle." 

― P.G. Wodehouse, The Man Upstairs and Other Stories

"There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine."

______________

It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A. B. Spottsworth to make the obituary column. He thought the lion was dead, and the lion thought it wasn't.

Ring for Jeeves (1953)

________________ 

"And she has got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need".

______________________

"When I see lovers' names carved on trees, I don't think it's sweet. I only wonder how many people bring a knife on a date "

_________
My thanks to the fascinating Mr. Ravi VS for this contribution

Hello, I am P.K. Chakraborthy

Russi Modi the erstwhile Managing Director of the famous Tata Steel company was a legend. 

He was an inspiring, effective and high performing leader. In his people he saw not resources, but people with minds, hearts and aspirations whose quality of life he tried to enrich. Like most Zoroastrians he was a humanitarian, but like the Tata family a great one. Parsees also possess a great sense of humour and Russi  Modi too relished a good prank. It mattered little if the joke was at someone else's expense or his own.

One day in the early 1980s he had his secretary go through the Kolkata telephone directory and invite as many of the Mr. P.K. Chakraborthys as was possible to attend a lavish dinner party to be hosted by Mr. Modi.

Chakraborthy is a very common Bengali name and PK is also the most common initials. Each of the P.K. Chakraborthy's invited felt it a great honour to be the personal guest of the charismatic, powerful and immensely wealthy Mr. Rusi Modi. 

It was a hilarious and confusing affair as people kept introducing themselves and heard the echo, "Hello, I am P.K. Chakraborthy". It had to be because all the 530  guests were named Mr. P.K. Chakraborthy

One of the signs of a strong and genuine personality is their sense of humour. They are confident with themselves and others and therefore usually full of fun and positive energy, which simply bubbles out of them. Mr. Russi Modi was one such great personality. 

Today is the anniversary of his passing on from this world, but people like Mr. Russi Modi can never be forgotten.

Puns for educated minds

• How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it....
• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• Jokes about German are the wurst
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. 
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. 
• When chemists die, apparently they barium.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
• All the toilets in Delhi 's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro - what a rip off.

Full body Scan at airports - A report

FULL BODY SCANS AT AIRPORTS 

CATSA disclosed the following airport screening results.
________________________________

Dec 2013
Statistics on airport full body screening report from CATSA
_____________________________________________________
Terrorists Discovered                    0
Transvestites                              133
Hernias                                      985
Hemorrhoid Cases                    2,455
Enlarged Prostrates                  2,049
Breast Implants                      39,452
Natural Blondes                             3

It was also discovered that 387 politicians had no balls

Love the Irish

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.   Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

.                                     ____________________________

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
The man said, 'I do, Father.'
The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'
Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'
The priest said, 'I don't believe this.   You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes..   I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

.                                     ____________________________

Paddy was in  New York .
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.   The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.'   Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

.                                     ____________________________ 


Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.   He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney.   'Where are ye callin' from?'

.                                     ____________________________

An Irish priest is driving down to  New York    and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut ..   The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just water,' says the priest.
The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
.                                     ____________________________


Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch!   What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

.                                     ____________________________


Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.   He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.   As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.   A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.   He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed..
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ........ it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

The Bengali & The Tiger

Actual poem written by a Bengali school teacher

Through the jongole I am went
On shooting Tiger I am bent
Boshtaard Tiger has eaten wife
No doubt I will avenge poor darling's life


Too much quiet, snakes and leeches
But I not fear these sons of beeches
Hearing loud noise I am jumping with start
But noise is coming from my damn fool heart


Taking care not to be fright
I am clutching rifle tight with eye to  sight
Should Tiger come I will shoot and fall him down
Then like hero return to native town


Then through trees I am espying one cave
I am telling self - 'Bannerjee be brave'
I am now proceeding with too much  care
From far I smell this Tiger's lair


My leg shaking, sweat coming, I start pray
I think I will shoot Tiger some other day
Turning round I am going to flee
But Tiger giving bloody roar spotting Bengalee


He bounding from cave like footballer Pele
I run  shouting 'Kali Ma tumi kothay gele'
Through the jongole I am running
With Tiger on my tail closer coming


I am a telling that never in life
I will risk again for my damn  wife!!!!

My thanks to Ms. Priti Quinn for this article

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy

Emerging 'isms of the times

INFOSYSism
You have a 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, & send them one at a time to the US for milking.

WIPROism
GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.

SATYAMism
You have a cow. You have its milk. But don't know what to do with it!

DELLism
Intel has a Goat. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both & sell it as Cow's milk.

IBMism
You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen.

SUNism
You have a bull. It doesn't give milk. You hate Microsoft.

SAPism
You don't have a cow You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants.

APPLEism
You have a cow. You sell iMilk.

CITIBANKism
Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow, press 1. If you have a bull, press 2...stay on line if you'd like our customer care to milk it for you.


HPism
You don't know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milking solutions through authorised resellers only.

GEism
You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someone finds out, that's his imagination at work

RELIANCEism
You don't yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.

TATAism
You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.


Thanks to my friend Akshay Chaturvedi who sent me this