Puns for educated minds

• How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it....
• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• Jokes about German are the wurst
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. 
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. 
• When chemists die, apparently they barium.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
• All the toilets in Delhi 's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro - what a rip off.

Some things never change

Cicero (43 B.C) of the Roman empire wrote this. 
Do people and things ever change?

1. The poor, work and work.

2. The rich, exploit the poor. 

3. The soldier, protects both.

4. The taxpayer, pays for all the three.

5. The wanderer, rests for all the four.

6. The drunk, drinks for all the five.

7. The banker, robs all the six.

8. The lawyer, misleads all the seven. 

9. The tax collector, kills all the eight.

10. The undertaker, buries all the nine.

11. The Politician and Prostitute live happily on account of all the ten.