You don't love me

The wife came into the room, snatched the remote control, switched off the TV and said,  "You do not love me".

"Hey! What are you doing? The match is at a crucial stage. "
"See you don't love me, a stupid match is more important than me"
'Damn, how could you say such a thing?" Her flabbergasted husband asked.
"I am breaking my back and killing myself to take care of you and our family".
"Have you forgotten the jewellery I bought you for your last birthday?"
" Did I not take you to Europe for our anniversary?"
"I did this ..., and I did that ...'  and I bought you that .....,  blah blah."
"Don't I give you enough money for your comforts and to enjoy yourself?"

The wife replied, "You are impossible. I am getting this feeling for quite some time now.I will repeat it again and again, you don't love me. You think all that matters is money?"


"I don't understand you at all", he said, taking the house keys and slamming the door shut as he left the house, to figure out the complex and incomprehensible nature of women.


He walked briskly trying to cool his mind. Soon he felt tired and sat on the bench next to the kind and elderly Mrs. Kochhar.  She always looked calm with a serene face.

___________________________________

"Hello Gurdeep, you look upset?
"Yes Aunty, I just had a fight with my wife.  I can't understand her. What more does she want from me?"

Mrs. Kochhar heard Gurdeep  pour his heart out, and she tapped the back of his hand, comfortingly and said, "Don't worry these things happen in all marriages, and they eventually sort themselves out."

Mrs. Kochhar: "May I ask you some questions?"
Gurdeep: "No problems, please ask."

Mrs. Kochhar: "How many years have you been married?"
Gurdeep: "Four years."

Mrs. Kochhar: "How long did your courtship last?"
Gurdeep: "About a year."
Mrs. Kochhar: "How did you spend your time during your courtship?"

Gurdeep: "Oh! We went for long walks, went to the movies, shopping, she loves to trek so we used  to go quite often during the weekend on treks, you know stuff like that."

Mrs. Kochhar: "In the last year how often did you go to the movies, or go for walks or treks?"

Gurdeep: "Hardly, I don't have the time.  My work is too demanding."
Mrs. Kochhar: "Do you really love your wife?"

Gurdeep: "At this moment, I am so angry that I am not so sure, but in my heart I feel I love her."
Mrs. Kochhar: "If you love her, then when was the last time you made her feel that you loved her?" She continued, "Beta, a woman can be pleased by gifts and things, only for a while. If you love her then show her, do the things that show that you love her. Ignoring her or taking her for granted is not the best way to show your love."

Mrs. Kochhar: "All she is trying to say to you is, **'love me or even hate me, but never be indifferent to me'**. A woman will never tell you that directly, because no one can beg for love or security or even attention. Love has to be felt not told or purchased."

Gurdeep went home, saw the untouched food on the table. Crept into the darkened bedroom and got into the bed next to his wife. He cautiously snuggled up to her and whispered into her ear,  I am sorry, I shouted at you, I love you."

She just turned around and gave him a hug. Her wet face showed that she had been crying.

At that moment Gurdeep learnt another important lesson of life which eludes many men. 

When your woman complains that you do not love her, all she is saying is 
'Don't ignore me. I want your attention, to show me that you care for me and our relationship.'
He should not demean the relationship by reminding her how much he has provided for her materially. While she appreciates his providing or gifting her things, she wants to know and feel that he loves her and cares for her.
This is one of the secrets of a healthy relationship. Not to take the other for granted. 

Give her your friendship and love, and your genuine attention. Spend time to listen to her. It may seem trivial or irrelevant, but it may be important to her or she just wants to bond. Try to indulge her a little and see your life being transformed for the better. You will most likely live each day happily, more respected and definitely much more loved.

Of course there is no guarantee but, you will probably never again hear the words, 'You don't love me'.

           

Everyone wants to love, and be loved

                                  



















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Yesterday the 25th of April, was my birthday. It was just another chronological event.  Time to reflect on old plans and achievements, and to make new resolutions and plans.

At 55 this process can be a little dull and even trifle boring. My wife was struck by an attack of vertigo and so we just planned to call it an early night and crash into bed.

As I waited impatiently for my for dinner, my children came home.  They took one look at me and demanded I  dress up and make myself presentable on this day as they could not bear to see me shirtless in a just a vest. A growl drove them away.

A few minutes later the door bell chimed and in streamed my best friends. You know the ones you love and hate at the same time, but the ones you would never want to live without.

My friends had conspired with my wife and sons  having decided to surprise me and have a party whether I wanted one or not. I rushed to my room to put on a shirt. As I emerged they all greeted me, with a hug and a handshake, followed by a pat  on either the back or the butt. I wonder what Freud would have thought of that?

Suddenly the quiet house erupted into life with the clinking of glasses, tasty aroma of food and laughter filling the air.

I was blessed for I had friends and family that loved and cared for me. I once again realised what my wise uncle Manohar Singh ji often said, "Everyone wants to love and be loved"

Can your children inspire you?

It was eleven years ago, I turned 43. It was my birthday but it was not a happy one. I was depressed and thinking of ways to end my life.

Our family owned organisation was in dire straits. We were in the midst of a terrible economic recession. I was struggling to maintain my sanity and preserve the outstanding image that we had painstakingly built up. There was no money left in the bank and creditors were hounding us. I regretted so many things, the huge debt we had accumulated to fund our aggressive growth to triple our capacity. The craze to be a global leader in our industry by 2010 etc.

To make matters worse our family structure had developed deep and irreparable fissures on the issues relating to how best to resolve the crisis. Completely polarised into different sub groups our world was crashing around us.

Normally happy and optimistic, I felt I was at the nadir of my life.
Of course when you head an organisation you can't just take off. Everyone aspires to get to the top and that is not a bad thing if you enjoy your work. At such times the responsibility that you shoulder is a thousand fold greater than the privileges you enjoy. So there I sat with my head in my hands on the dining table while my food remained untouched.

Then in walked my two sons from their tuitions. They greeted me, wished me happy birthday and gave me birthday cards that they had prepared. The cards were very amateurish, but the words were precious beyond any description.

Pavit wrote;
"All my friends say, that when they were little and didn't know any better, they all thought their fathers were Supermen, but as they grew up they realised that their dad were not Supermen but just men".
"I too, when I was little, thought my dad was a Superman, but now that I have turned 16 and am better informed, I still believe that my dad is a Superman. Happy Birthday".

I hugged my sons and wept. I realised that while we were teaching our children all about life, they were teaching us what life is all about.

I then recalled my wise Uncle’s words “Worries and regret never solve anything, they do not rob tomorrow of its sorrow, they merely sap today of its strength”.

This seemingly insignificant birthday card from my sons, was a powerful inspiration. An inspiration that motivates me even today.