Please, hold my hand.

Many years ago, a friend shared an anecdote with me. Which I now recall every 'Father's day'.

A little girl was walking along a path with her father, when they came to a rickety and treacherous bridge. Instinctively the father stretched out his hand to his daughter and said; "Here, take my hand."

The daughter replied; "No father, you please hold my hand."

The father was confused, "What is the difference, whether you hold my hand or I hold yours?"

The little girl smilingly said, "If I hold your hand and stumble, I may let go of your hand, but if you hold my hand I know you will never ever let me fall."

________________

Living in Dubai at that time, I telephoned my late father from who I had become estranged, to hear his voice and to tell him I loved him. We both wept as I expressed my gratefulness  for the countless blessings that he had bestowed upon me. Asked him, to forgive me for the pain I had caused him. Finally, my desire to be with him, especially on that Father's day.

Somewhere along the way, when we tasted the fruits of material success we forgot an important fact. Our achievements were the result not only of our labour but also the investment in, care, protection, values, love, wisdom, etc. provided by our teachers and parents. 

Protected by the shield of our parents love and blessings, their spiritual energies merging into ours we experienced success and happiness.

Youth normally tends to be arrogant. When combined with success and wealth, youth grows impudent. Without meaning to nor realising it, we offended and disrespected our parents with our dismissive manner and reckless choice of words.

Success, fame and wealth makes us believe that the love and blessings of parents is superfluous, and hence we squander this fortune. 

When we began ignoring their love and disregarded the importance of their blessings,  we soon found ourselves engulfed by a tsunami of problems and misfortune.

For several years I wandered in material, emotional and spiritual wilderness. 

Fortunately, with the Guru's grace, and the support of my wife Mohini and our two young sons, I was and transformed for the better. I returned to the open arms and heart of my parents.

Maybe it's a coincidence, but thereafter my life blossomed once again. I was materially poorer, but emotionally and spiritually richer. Living in the present, I am  free of want and fear.

There is a reason that in India, often father is described as 'Ana-Data' the same term used for God (provider). If we care to look beyond the human failings and at the sublime, we will catch a glimpse of the Creator.

Fathers tend to be obstinate and difficult. They are impossible to fathom, often embarrassing and exasperating us. 

Still, like a noble emperor with a big yet humble heart, love and respect them. As sure as the seasons follow one another, one day each one of us will also thirst for love and understanding.

Actually, Everyday is 'Fathers Day'

______________________

Females make me nervous

                     
                             















I grew up in an all boys boarding school, and went to engineering college  where there were almost no girls. All the teachers were men. 

My interaction with females was very limited except for my mother a few aunts, my  two elder sisters and a few of their friends who only thought of me and my brothers just as little boys. For me females were alien.

I grew up with two ridiculous and extreme views of females. One they were pure, angelic, goddesses  and the other learnt from naughty books and magazines, that they were mere sex objects.

I made friends with girls but could never sustain a friendship with them because I could not understand them therefore unable to sustain a meaningful relationship. Those that I put on a pedestal as Goddesses usually found me dry and boring. Those I treated as objects mainly thought me uncouth and obnoxious. 

I thought I was an exception but many male associates, friends, and former classmates usually from God fearing, religiously inclined, good families held the same sort of stupid beliefs. Our noble opinions are shaped by romantic novels and romantic movies, history and literature.  Nowadays magazines, television, internet and cinema usually portray females as conniving, petty minded evil creatures. 

We men dehumanise females by either idolising them or by being dismissive of them.

Educationists and religious zealots may think it is good idea to separate males and females but it is unnatural and unhealthy. 
Boys and young men from segregated environments inevitably encounter difficulty in relationships and marriage. The most natural thing of engaging with women as colleagues, clients, and as friends always remain a challenge. They avoid females, and even if they do engage with them its often in a dehumanising manner. They cannot be respectful because they know nothing about the other half.

What can be done to build healthier societies?

Young children up to age 9 or 10 should all go to coeducational schools and playgrounds. It is sexually safe, and emotionally healthy. 

Young children are brutally frank and in these early years of their lives they are inquisitive and open. They have no hardened opinions save those planted in their innocent minds and hearts by teachers, parents and priests.

Just before the onset of puberty girls and boys may be separated until they are ready to go to college or go to work. Sexual attraction will be there, as it is perfectly natural, but it will be healthy, respectful and friendly. 

We talk of love, and building a better world, but how can we love humanity when we cannot be respectful or friends with half of humanity? 




Where there is no understanding there can be little respect. Without respect friendship is not possible. Love can blossom only if there is respect and friendship.

p.s.
What do I know about the problems and challenges that females from segregated backgrounds encounter? 
I don't know, I feel too nervous to ask them.

Foot in Mouth Disease?

My friend Seema calls me an expert. My chest always puffed up with pride, until one day she shared with me her definition of an 'expert'.
An expert is someone who is never in doubt but frequently in error!!

I realised a little late in the day that she was merely being polite for an ailment which can be labelled as 'foot in mouth' disease.

Upon this great realisation, I was curious to determine if I belonged to a small group or a larger community that had been afflicted with this malady. I am glad to inform you that this problem is quite common but lays dormant until triggered by any of the following phenomena;

A powerful trigger for turning into an expert is to get elected to office. Does not matter which office, any office will do. Even getting elected to the management committee of a housing society or your local club will bestow upon you the crown of all knowledge.

Some acquire money, some are born with it, and some have it thrust upon them. Wealth thrusts people into the world of experts. It does not matter whether it was plundered , earned, or acquired in the old fashioned way, that is to inherit it, the person is instantly transformed into an expert.

The third way to become an expert is to become the boss of some poor creatures at work. The boss knows everything.

The fastest and most certain way to gain expertise is of course to get married. You will immediately acquire an expert. Whether this makes your life better is questionable, but it will certainly make it interesting, at least for a while.

Last but no less powerful and all pervasive mother of all expert sources is to become a parent. No one knows better than a parent. As the quote goes "You may fool some people all the time, you may fool all the people some of the time but you can never fool Mom." Parents apparently wear the crown of all knowledge.

Before you begin to feel sorry for all these different types of experts and the great burden they have to bear in the upliftment of mere mortals you may want to review the mumblings or should I say bumblings of some other great experts;

• We don't need you. You haven't got through college yet. -
  Hewlett Packard excuse to Steve Jobs, who founded Apple Computers instead.


• I think there's a world market for about maybe five computers. -
  Thomas J. Watson, chairman of the board of IBM


• Everything that can be invented has been invented.
  Charles H. Duell, Office of Patents, 1899


• 640K memory for a computer ought to be enough for anybody -
  Bill Gates, Microsoft, 1981


• There will never be a bigger plane built. - A Boeing Engineer, after the first flight of the 247, a twin engine plane that carried ten people.


• Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value. -
  Marechal Ferdinand, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.


• We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out. -
  Decca Executive, 1962, after turning down the Beatles


• There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. -
  Ken Olson, president of Digital Equipment Corp. 1977


• This telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. - Western Union, memo, 1876


• No imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
  David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urging investment in the radio in the 1920's


• Who wants to hear actors talk? -
  H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927


• While theoretically and technically television may be feasible, commercially and financially it is an impossibility. -
  Lee DeForest, inventor


• Radio has no future. Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. X-rays will prove to be a hoax.
  Lord Kelvin English scientist, 1899 ( William Thomson)