Goodbye, Dear Father

Loss of livelihoods is bad enough, compounded by illness and loss of some near and dear to many people.

Humanity now lives under a pall of great fear as the pandemic stalks the land.

No amount of sympathy and condolence can fill the void of sorrow. But life will go on irrespective of how we feel. 

I am reminded of the loss of my father Sardar Man Singh ji, his life and the great lessons he provided us.

Six years ago, on the 1st day of Sept with a gurgle and a cough my father left this world just as he arrived into it.

I was inconsolable, because my mindless heart could not stop crying.
I was unduly brave, because my heartless mind refused to let me grieve. 

Some said it was an auspicious day to die. 
How can any day be a good day to lose someone you love? 

Fate was both kind and cruel to our father, Sardar Man Singh ji (1928 -2014). In spite of his many failings his life was crowned with great success and accomplishments. In spite of his kind, brilliant, hardworking, witty and charming nature he encountered numerous misfortunes. Yet he never lost his balance nor his zest for life. 

On the contrary he transformed setbacks into success and taught his family, friends and colleagues so much by sharing through stories his own experiences and learning. He thus enriched the lives of whoever he touched.

Father was old but in good health, yet he knew that his time was near. He thanked everyone in his life and sought forgiveness from them  for any offence he may have caused them. He devoted the last decade of his life time and effort to helping whoever and whenever he could. The critical and aggressive nature so essential for achievement was replaced by understanding and compassion.

The spirit and wisdom
is transmitted through the generations

As the Guru taught, life is uncertain, for we are owners only of this moment this breath, for we know not whether the next moment, the next breath may come or not.

So use this moment and do what is important, to meditate and understand the insignificance of man and the infiniteness of Creation/Creator in the general scheme of existence.  

As I noticed with my father a transformation took place. We begin to view everyone as good at heart and some as merely misguided. The heart overflows with love and compassion, respect and contentment for whatever life doles out.  A friendly nature emerges not out of cowardice but fearlessness.

As I witnessed with our father, such an awakening enables us to confront all sorts of challenges, to unflinchingly cope with  the most difficult situation, possess the sagacity to accept the outcome and the courage to embrace the inevitable. 

Such a being, a warrior knows, one can fight and yet lose or one can pass on with dignity and grace and yet win.That is why they give life the best they can.

Please, hold my hand.

Many years ago, a friend shared an anecdote with me. Which I now recall every 'Father's day'.

A little girl was walking along a path with her father, when they came to a rickety and treacherous bridge. Instinctively the father stretched out his hand to his daughter and said; "Here, take my hand."

The daughter replied; "No father, you please hold my hand."

The father was confused, "What is the difference, whether you hold my hand or I hold yours?"

The little girl smilingly said, "If I hold your hand and stumble, I may let go of your hand, but if you hold my hand I know you will never ever let me fall."

________________

Living in Dubai at that time, I telephoned my late father from who I had become estranged, to hear his voice and to tell him I loved him. We both wept as I expressed my gratefulness  for the countless blessings that he had bestowed upon me. Asked him, to forgive me for the pain I had caused him. Finally, my desire to be with him, especially on that Father's day.

Somewhere along the way, when we tasted the fruits of material success we forgot an important fact. Our achievements were the result not only of our labour but also the investment in, care, protection, values, love, wisdom, etc. provided by our teachers and parents. 

Protected by the shield of our parents love and blessings, their spiritual energies merging into ours we experienced success and happiness.

Youth normally tends to be arrogant. When combined with success and wealth, youth grows impudent. Without meaning to nor realising it, we offended and disrespected our parents with our dismissive manner and reckless choice of words.

Success, fame and wealth makes us believe that the love and blessings of parents is superfluous, and hence we squander this fortune. 

When we began ignoring their love and disregarded the importance of their blessings,  we soon found ourselves engulfed by a tsunami of problems and misfortune.

For several years I wandered in material, emotional and spiritual wilderness. 

Fortunately, with the Guru's grace, and the support of my wife Mohini and our two young sons, I was and transformed for the better. I returned to the open arms and heart of my parents.

Maybe it's a coincidence, but thereafter my life blossomed once again. I was materially poorer, but emotionally and spiritually richer. Living in the present, I am  free of want and fear.

There is a reason that in India, often father is described as 'Ana-Data' the same term used for God (provider). If we care to look beyond the human failings and at the sublime, we will catch a glimpse of the Creator.

Fathers tend to be obstinate and difficult. They are impossible to fathom, often embarrassing and exasperating us. 

Still, like a noble emperor with a big yet humble heart, love and respect them. As sure as the seasons follow one another, one day each one of us will also thirst for love and understanding.

Actually, Everyday is 'Fathers Day'

______________________

Hold my hand

A little girl was walking along a path with her father when they came to a treacherous section. Instinctively the father stretched out his hand to his daughter and said; "Here hold my hand."

The daughter replied; "No dad you hold my hand."

The father was confused, "What is the difference, whether you hold my hand or I hold yours?"

The little girl smilingly said, "If I hold your hand and stumble I may let go off your hand, but if you hold my hand I know you will never ever let go."

---

What a lovely narration I had received from a friend on this father's day. I called up my father to hear his voice and to tell him I loved him and how I wished I could be with him on this day.

Somewhere along the way when we tasted the fruits of success we forgot an important fact. Our achievements were the result not only of our labour but also the investment of, values, wisdom of our teachers our elders and most of all our parents in us. As long as our parents watched over us, blessed us and prayed for us we were invincible.

If put in a spiritual context I believe that each person is nurtured and protected by a protective umbrella of the blessings of our parents and God. I have personally experienced it. Soon after we let go our our parents shunned their blessings ignored their love, we as a family went into total decline. This is also experienced by many people no matter what their age is, who feel exposed and vulnerable upon the passing away of a parent or beloved elder.

Their love and blessing I always had, but I had travelled too far down the road. I worked hard to journey back over many years to become worthy of them. Now with their love, and blessings my life has blossomed once again.




As with each interaction I reflected on this issue and my mind opened a window in which I saw the image of an uncle and his tortured existence. While I am lucky to be able to serve my parents and obtain their blessings and love, a distant Uncle of mine in Thailand is not so fortunate. His parents are not with him and neither are most of his siblings.

He lost the love and blessings of his parents and all his siblings who were older than him. His material growth and his physical /emotional decline started almost 45 years ago with the complete nationalisation of all private assets by the Burmese government in 1964.

As the Burmese government nationalised everything most Indians fled Burma. My extremely wealthy and honourable grand-uncle converted his entire wealth from cash to rubies and arranged to have them smuggled them out from Burma to his youngest son in Bangkok, so that the family could start life all over again.

This uncle receive all the wealth and set up a very successful business. When his brothers escaped from Burma they called upon this uncle who turned his back on his brothers claiming that all he received was a pittance and the wealth that the brothers saw was the result of his personal hard work and therefore they could not expect anything from him.

The heartbroken brothers felt cheated by their youngest brother. They dispersed all over the world and started to rebuild their lives all over again from scratch. They had neither the time nor the energy for conflict and revenge. They simply stopped thinking of their enormous wealth and a brother, as if he never ever existed at all.

My grand-uncle was a giant of an achiever. He was brilliant and hardworking, but age was not on his side. The shock of the betrayal of his son so traumatised him that he fell ill. He passed away thirty five years ago, a sad and bitter man. On his deathbed he cursed his son; " He who has so wrongfully cheated his own family would never ever be able to enjoy the wealth that he had stolen".

It appears from visible facts that the curse has all but destroyed my uncle and his family. He who allegedly wronged his brothers fell seriously ill soon after the death of his father.

For past 30 years this uncle has lost use of his body and he lies on his bed in his fabulous mansion. Surrounded day and night by a battery of doctors and nurses with no friends nor companions. He cannot move and lies on his bed with most of the systems in his body having failed.

The puncture made in his throat by his doctors permits him to breathe and to be fed by various tubes. A sad sight he makes in addition to the almost unbearable eerie rasping noise his breathing makes.

This almost completely paralysed man my uncle, the owner of millions of dollars, but not of his own life and body. He can only move one arm. His torment is magnified by an extremely alert mind as he wallows in his misery. My uncle is prepared to give up all his wealth to make right his folly and greed, alas it is too late. His father and most of his family have passed away a long time ago. He has no one to make peace with.

I know fathers are difficult people and they exasperate us, but if we look beyond the obvious at the sublime we will catch a glimpse of our creator. So starting this father's day let us cherish our parents, tell and show them that we love them.

I have come to appreciate that we must be humble enough to overlook their weaknesses, love them for their strengths and all the goodness they have showered on us and fear them for their wrath.

I pray that all those that have the good fortune of receiving the love and blessing of your parents continue to do so, and those that have somehow lost that love and goodwill will in the coming days have the opportunity to earn their blessings and love once again.

I remember that everyday is 'Fathers Day'