Once in Delhi I spent a night at a friends home. Meeting after 15 years we had a lot of catching up to do.
Late into the night we chatted. As we relaxed, my friend pulled off his shoes with a moan and a groan. He heaved a sigh of relief as the shoes finally came off, and he muttered " Man! these shoes are so tight they really hurt"
I was baffled and I asked,"why don't you wear shoes that are comfortable and a slightly larger size?"
With a strange expression he said, "You won't understand, but these shoes make me so happy. My work is terrible, my employees are robbing me blind, my customers refuse to pay their bills, my friends let me down and no one including my family loves me." "When I come home and take off these damn! tight shoes, I feel great relief and this is probably the only joy I get and the only happiness I can induce in my life"
My friend was always melodramatic, however there is always some truth in every bit of humour.
It appears that finding happiness is more elusive than avoiding unhappiness. Permit me to share with you some thoughts on avoiding unhappiness.
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Unhappiness normally stems from unfulfilled expectations.
Expectations are of two kinds, one that is a favour and the other is a duty. As regards the latter one one should always exercise one's rights and demand that people perform their duty.
However one should always be mentally prepared for the worst case scenario that nothing is going to transpire as expected, particularly when asking for favours. (The government and it's officers of our country do believe that they need not perform their duty, but merely bestow favours on us citizens)
Having low expectations, forces us to be develop alternative solutions and be more self reliant. When things do happen as desired, we are pleasantly surprised and delighted. If nothing happens we can always say "I knew it, nothing would happen".
Secondly, It's useful to avoid certain people or at least minimize contact with them.
Trying to get ahead in life we try to associate with people that will benefit us materially and maybe that is not a bad thing. It is however essential that we listen to our inner voice, our 'gut feeling' and our conscience. If everything looks good but there is a voice in our being that gnaws at us that it does not feel right, it is quite likely that we will be sorry sooner or later. We must learn to trust our instincts and intuition.
Thirdly, avoid irritating things in our life.
Identify the things that we frequently use, starting with our private space. Our bedroom, the bed, the pillow, the linen should be to our liking, because that is where we will spend a third of our life. Well rested in an environment of our liking will refresh us and make us less likely to be unhappy.
Personal effects of clothing, footwear, crockery, transport vehicle and our work tools be it a pen, computer, office bag, tool kit etc., or whatever is our tools of the trade should be of good quality and reliable. Nothing makes life worse than using rotten hardware and software tools to do our job.
Fourth, pursuing an appropriate career.
If self employed, then try to choose a profession or business we like or are comfortable with. Working for an individual or an organisation try to work for a person or organisation that has a belief system which we can respect. Nothing is more stressful than having to work with people we have little respect for or worse taking orders from people we despise. If we hate the work we do, we will become bitter and not only will this negative energy hurt others it will corrode us from within.
Fifth, avoid irritating people.
Though not always possible, avoiding people that trouble us or try to engage us in behaviour that is irritating is a good way to avoid unhappiness and related stress. Road rage is a good example of when people try to fight with us, a perfectly convenient way is to simply not make eye contact with the enraged driver, and try not to acknowledge their presence. Violent people need us to acknowledge them before they attack, so being indifferent to them takes the fun out of bullying for them.
In conclusion, I must admit that this article is written mainly for people who can exercise free choice. Unfortunately there are billions of people who are prisoners of their environments, trapped by families, employers, governments, warlords, gangsters etc. I pray that one day they too can have the ability and courage to exercise free choice and the wisdom to make the right choice.
If we are good and follow our heart, carry little negative emotional baggage, keep life simple and seek joy instead of mere excitement, then happiness is within our grasp.
