“Hello - is this George's Pizza?”
“No, sir - it's Google’s Pizza.”
“I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.”
“No, sir, this is the correct number. Google bought George's Pizza last month.”
“Oh! Okay, I would like to order a pizza.”
“Do you want your usual, sir?”
“My usual? You know me?”
“According to our caller ID data, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, spicy lamb masala tikka , and mushrooms on a thick crust."
“Right! That's what I want.”
“May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with broccoli, mixed vegetables, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten-free, thin crust?”
“What? I detest vegetables!”
“Your cholesterol is not good, sir.”
“How the hell do you know that?”
“We cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.”
“No, I don’t want a vegetable pizza - I take medication for cholesterol.”
“Excuse me, sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database you purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Drug sale Network, 4 months ago.”
“I bought more from another drugstore.
“That doesn't show on your credit card statement.”
“I paid cash.”
“But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.”
“I have other sources of cash.”
“That doesn't show on your last tax return, unless you're using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.”
“WHAT THE HELL? ! ! ! !”
“I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.”
“Well I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, WhatsApp and the others!! I'm going to an island with no internet, no cable TV – some place where there is no cell phone service and no one to spy on me!”
“I understand, sir. But you need to renew your passport first? It expired 6 weeks ago.”
“No, sir - it's Google’s Pizza.”
“I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.”
“No, sir, this is the correct number. Google bought George's Pizza last month.”
“Oh! Okay, I would like to order a pizza.”
“Do you want your usual, sir?”
“My usual? You know me?”
“According to our caller ID data, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, spicy lamb masala tikka , and mushrooms on a thick crust."
“Right! That's what I want.”
“May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with broccoli, mixed vegetables, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten-free, thin crust?”
“What? I detest vegetables!”
“Your cholesterol is not good, sir.”
“How the hell do you know that?”
“We cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.”
“No, I don’t want a vegetable pizza - I take medication for cholesterol.”
“Excuse me, sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database you purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Drug sale Network, 4 months ago.”
“I bought more from another drugstore.
“That doesn't show on your credit card statement.”
“I paid cash.”
“But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.”
“I have other sources of cash.”
“That doesn't show on your last tax return, unless you're using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.”
“WHAT THE HELL? ! ! ! !”
“I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.”
“Well I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, WhatsApp and the others!! I'm going to an island with no internet, no cable TV – some place where there is no cell phone service and no one to spy on me!”
“I understand, sir. But you need to renew your passport first? It expired 6 weeks ago.”
________
My thanks to Mr. Bobby Basu for sharing this with me
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