In courtship we take great effort to please the partner. Each partner to win over the affection and respect of the other, makes an effort to be interesting, thoughtful, and usually on his or her best behaviour. Most often we put on an act suppressing our natural impulses.
We try very hard to live the unrealistic romantic dream, as depicted in romantic television serials, movies, novels, songs, poems, etc.. When we take our marriage vows, we expect that life would be a dreamy fairy tale.
Most discover that love may be blind but marriage is an eye opener.
Marriage jolts people because we believe that once we have acquired the partner, we can stop pretending. The reality may still be beautiful but we become unhappy because we think the partner has changed, whereas the partner has just reverted to being his or her normal self.
Is the reality bad or are the expectations unrealistic?
Each individual is a unique and strange creature, who the other partner wishes to mould as per their expectations. Nothing disappoints us more than unfulfilled expectations.
It is the nature of the human being to, favour what we do not have over what we already possess. That is why we remain in awe of people we cannot possess.
Anyone who is worth possessing simply cannot be possessed. We can choose to accept others as they are or be unhappy.
Each one of us is a unique and strange creature but that itself is our beauty. To accept that strangeness rather than trying to reform people to conform to our expectations is a key to happiness.
Typically men marry, thinking women will never change, but they do. Women believe the man will change, but men never change.
To remain happy, see goodness and beauty in the other, while understanding the flaws in one self. Give more than we demand just as we did during courtship and we have a very good chance of being happy as individuals and as couples.
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Excerpts from my upcoming book - 'Finding Success and Happiness'
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