- How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it....
- Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
- A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
- I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
- They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
- I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
- Jokes about German are the wurst
- I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
- When chemists die, apparently they barium.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
- When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
- Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
- All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Velcro - what a rip off.
21 December 2014
10 November 2014
The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and a string hanging into the puddle.
A tipsy- looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' the old man said simply.
'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.
As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked,
'And how many have you caught?'
'You're the eighth,' the old man answered.
25 October 2014
FULL BODY SCANS AT AIRPORTS
CATSA disclosed the following airport screening results.
Statistics on airport full body screening report from CATSA
Terrorists Discovered 0
Hemorrhoid Cases 2,455
Enlarged Prostrates 2,049
Breast Implants 39,452
Natural Blondes 3
It was also discovered that 387 politicians had no balls
11 October 2014
01 October 2014
Every moment and every interaction can be a learning. Even an election to head a sports club.
I recently observed, participated and analyzed such an election.
There were two candidates Mr. Rich and Mr. Simple.
Mr. Rich was a very wealthy man whom several members seemed to be in awe of. He rarely came to the club or interacted with the members until canvassing for elections began. A relative stranger to the club and having little in common, only a few members socialised with the wealthy Mr.Rich. It appeared many people hung around Mr. Rich in the hope of gaining some benefit financial, political or social leverage.
Mr. Rich flaunted his money and his powerful connections. Many members deferred to Mr. Rich though many members privately confided that his presence and push was way over the top. Mr. Rich spent an enormous amount of money wining and dining members, making slick presentations and distributing brochures. Mr. Rich focussed on status and on his personal achievements of which he had many. However he had done nothing notable at and for the club or it's members till date.
The other candidate Mr. Simple was a down to earth builder. Mr. Simple had served for many years on various committees, projects and activities of the club. He was at the club regularly and had many friends and even more well wishers who appreciated his visible contribution.
Mr. Simple was approachable and tried his sincere best to resolve issues and address the concerns of members politely and respectfully. He had many shortcomings, but he was lovable.
Unlike Mr. Rich, Mr. Simple in contrast wrote a simple mail to all members outlining his contribution, and the values he stood for. He stated that he did not believe in expensive dinners and parties but his track record of his contribution and his conduct to let members choose who was to be elected.
When the results were declared Mr. Simple had won by a margin which was the largest in the club's history. It appears that money and power alone or even together can rarely win hearts particularly of the well informed. My belief was reinforced that;
"Friends and good manners will take you where money and power will never be able to take you"
It is often said that, 'Behind every successful man is a woman'. It would be more appropriate to say that, 'Behind every successful man is a surprised woman'.
Normally the woman behind the man, is his wife. Without even being briefed, intuitively a woman knows a lot, if not almost everything about her man.
A man, needs a place to return to, rest and recuperate. Feeling secure within his own home, man tends to lower his guard and social pretences and usually reverts to being just himself. That is the issue, because the man that reverts to being his natural self at home, is a unique and often imperfect creature.
All men are imperfect, only types and levels of imperfection vary. Flaws include vanity, ego, greed, lust, and many other human traits. Obsessed with people and things man is full of eccentricities, fetishes, strange fears, etc. This is exactly what his woman sees.
What women rarely get to see or learn of, is that her man who pursues some form of work/career or professional responsibility, is typically pretty good at what he does, and often well appreciated and respected for it by colleagues and society at large.
Since this is normally not visible to his woman, she can rarely appreciate his professional competence, and capabilities.
Man generally need props to define himself socially and professionally. Props could include vehicles, associates, designations, size of his workplace , his computer and work tools or perhaps a title or even a crown.
This creature called man, at home and in his lair, with his guard down, often looks and behaves clumsy and incomplete. This is the creature that the woman sees. Can she be blamed for being surprised if her man is successful?
Abraham Lincoln that great man, who had risen from humble background to become the President of America once said, "All men respond well under adversity, if you want to test a man's character give him power"
No wonder people who come to possess some power over resources or people tend to become obnoxious. Bosses, class teachers, principals, politicians, government officials and of course office bearers are more prone to being obnoxious, because they feel, 'You need me, I don't need you.'
Life is beautiful and People are inherently good But there are always aberrations in nature like obnoxious people and they tend to be both toxic and ugly.
It is normal for people to sometimes disagree, but obnoxious people are disagreeable.
All attempts by residents to engage with the man were futile. Decency and polite behaviour were misconstrued as weakness and timidity. Residents were at their wits end, until they got the following message from a wise man.