Owning yourself

The Individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

-  Friedrich Nietzche

Noble Dobri Dobrev

98 year old dobri dobrev, a man who lost his hearing in the second world war, walks 10 kilometers from his village in his homemade clothes and leather shoes to the city of sofia, where he spends the day begging for money.

though a well recognized fixture around several of the city’s chruches, known for his prostrations of thanks to all donors, it was only recently discovered that he has donated every penny he has collected — over 40,000 euros — towards the restoration of decaying bulgarian monasteries and churches and the utility bills of orphanages, living entirely off his monthly state pension of 80 euros and the kindness of others.

Why does love pass me by?

Everyone seems to be looking for love but most of us can't seem to find it. 
Could it be that we look for it in the wrong place? Or our approach is not correct, or maybe what we seek something else but we mistakenly call it love?
Even when love is within our grasp we are afraid to love, because we are scared of getting hurt. 

Love can never hurt, but unfulfilled expectations can cause much unhappiness and hurt.

Love is a giving, an unconditional giving. You do not know why, but you simply give. A good example would be, a mother's love for her child.

Any explanation of love is futile. Love is a matter of the heart and not a subject for the mind to analyse, love therefore defies explanation. 
Love is not logical, it cannot be. That is why normal people rarely experience love. You have to be a bit foolish and even more innocent to experience love.

Our disappointment with 'Love' arises out of two reasons, trading and possessiveness.


We humans are clever, very clever, we want to take and rarely give. Sometimes we give, but only with an eye on getting something back in return. When we do this it could be called trading. We give affection and 'love' wanting something we call 'love' in return. This is not love it is a deal. Deals are transactional and generally unsatisfying.

Love is probably the greatest feeling one can experience, it is beautiful, in truth it's exhilarating. 

The other thing that ruins love is our possessiveness. The greatest disappointment in life appears to be unreciprocated affection or our inability to possess the object or person of our love.

"I love you so you have got to love me. You cannot love anyone else."

This possessiveness leads us to do strange things and demand impossible loyalties. Placing absurd and unnatural expectations on the person of our love, we make them actually dull and ugly making them undesirable and therefore unlovable.

Anyone worth possessing, simply cannot be possessed.



What would happen if you took a beautiful flower and closed it into a box? The flower would wither and die very quickly. 
What would happen if you took the sweet water from a spring and put it into a bottle for a long time? The water would become stale and smell foul. 
What would happen if you captured a beautiful bird and put it into a cage? It would neither have beautiful flight, nor spread its glorious wings nor will it sing beautifully as it did when it was free.




Love is a gift, and if it is true, seeks nothing in return.

If you want to love then do so unconditionally and with your heart and not your mind. Be like the sun radiate, give energy and bring life to all you see and meet and expect nothing in return and you shall transcend from a planet to a star and from man to God.

Smile

Most of my friends and all of my family believe me to be eccentric, like a billionaire just without the billions. Come to think of it, the world can be an amazing place if you are a bit eccentric.

The gift of life is so fascinating that it can be regarded as one giant laboratory. Everyday presents numerous opportunities to increase both my knowledge and appreciation of people.

I love life and all that it offers. Maybe that is why it is easy for me to smile and laugh. I often smile at strangers sitting in their cars and bikes stuck in traffic or at traffic signals. Here is what I discovered.

Most people and I connect for a few seconds and a smile grows on their faces, sometimes we exchange greetings, or even have a very brief conversation.

Probably being more relaxed, passengers tend to be more interactive than drivers.

Toddlers and young children are the most receptive and invariably smile back. They continue to gawk, smile and wave until I move out of sight.

Youngsters between 10 to 20 years of age are most reluctant to respond. They mostly look at me with the expression "I know people like you, who try to be friendly but are actually dangerous". This I attribute, to loss of innocence. They have begun to learn that the world is far from ideal and most adults cannot be trusted.

Young adults and middle aged people are too preoccupied chasing tasks and problems in their lives to acknowledge the existence of humanity and life. They are mostly dismissive, because if you are being nice to them, you probably want something therefore you can't be of any consequence.

The elderly are glad that their existence is acknowledged. Sometimes they get confused but most often they beam a smile, and are most chatty.

Officials of all kinds and people in expensive vehicles usually have a scowl on their face. They invariably have a frown and almost always give me that look that says, "What in hell, is the matter with you?" I can't get it.  had money and power why do they appear unhappy?

Here are some quotes on smile.

• A smile is a curve that straightens things out.
• A smile is the shortest distance between two hearts.
• It takes 6 muscles to smile and 120 muscles to frown.
• It is easy to conceal your grief but impossible to hide one's joy, a sign of a happy spirit.

The end of my experiments always leaves me with more questions than when I started. Maybe I am a lousy researcher, but who cares? I am celebrating life.

I realise that, I am not a human on a spiritual journey but a spirit on a human journey.

Keep Smiling

'It is not your fault' - Mahatma Gandhi.

Today is Mahatma* Gandhi's birthday. Love him or criticize him but you cannot ignore him, nor deny his incredible impact on humanity. Based on the highest of principles, blended with a singularity of purpose, a purity of heart and sharp intellect Gandhi ji was and remains a powerful influence on many people. 

The Mahatma has enriched our world with his greatness, and humility.  His unconventional and yet truthful approach is an example of how to Channelise a vision into action to achieve great impact. 

A defining feature of a Mahatma (great soul)  is the humility and compassion for all beings and God's creation. Born out of great spiritual courage and truthfulness a Mahatma is always courageous in thought, utterances and deed. 

Often harsh in their truthful criticism,  there is never the slightest trace of malice in what a Mahatma says and does. 

A Mahatma would blame himself rather than anyone else for their situation. This is a hallmark of a great leader, who never blames others but accept ownership and responsibility of all problems.

Here is an example, for your learning pleasure.

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Gandhi ji started his professional and mission for universal brotherhood and justice in South Africa in 1903. A Mahatma inevitably undergoes great hardships, but their spiritual courage prevails.

Gandhi ji had many supporters and one of his great admirers and followers was a German industrialist named Hermann Kallenbach. In 1912 Kallenbach bought eleven hundred acres of land near Johannesburg and gave them to Gandhi ji, who founded a settlement called Tolstoy Farm (Gandhi ji was a great admirer of the Russian writer Leo Tolstoy and they corresponded frequently.)

One day Gandhi ji, had to travel from Tolstoy Farm to Johannesburg for some meetings and the car that they used at Tolstoy farm needed to be serviced at the garage. He asked his son Manilal to accompany him to town. Gandhi ji instructed Manilal that while he attended the meetings Manilal should get the car serviced and then return to pick up Gandhi ji for the journey back home at 5:30 pm.

After delivering the car to the garage young Manilal decided to pass the time by going to watch an entertainment show, where he lost all sense of time. When Manilal had failed to arrive at the appointed time Gandhi ji had contacted the garage and had been informed that the car was ready since 4:00 pm and they were waiting for it to be picked up.

Manilal panicked when he suddenly realised it  was 6:00 pm as  the show ended. He hurried to the garage to collect the car and then Gandhi ji.  His father Gandhi ji would be waiting and Manilal thought it best to just tell an innocent lie. He told Gandhi ji that he was delayed because the garage staff could not finish the servicing in time.

Gandhi ji looked at his son with dismay and said; " That you must lie,  disappoints and deeply saddens me. However I do not blame you, it is all my fault. There must have been some lapses or deficiencies from my side and I must have made some mistake in your upbringing." "I will have to atone for my mistake  and I wonder what I must do?" Gandhi ji continued.

Manilal felt ashamed, and apologised. However Gandhi ji refused to accept Manilal's apology saying that it was not Manilal's fault and blamed only himself. After a minute spent deep in thought Gandhi ji declared; "I will punish myself by walking home rather than drive there. Manilal, you take the car home and I will come walk home." Gandhi ji immediately started walking toward home which was 27 kilometres away.

Understanding parents is normally a challenge and understanding a Mahatma almost impossible. Manilal sought his father's forgiveness and kept apologising profusely. Gandhi ji simply turned a deaf ear and kept on plodding along.

After walking for many hours all night long, Gandhi ji arrived home early in the morning with Manilal trailing in the car the entire way.  Gandhi ji did not complain about Manilal to anyone, and offered no explanation for the reason for the delay to the questioning residents of Tolstoy Farm.

The ashamed Manilal confessed to the worried residents of Tolstoy farm of what had transpired. Manilal was filled with remorse by his poor conduct, and vowed never to tell a lie again. From that day on Manilal devoted most of his life spreading the message of the Mahatma.

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My thanks to the compassionate and talented Dr. Naresh Thukral who also happens to be my brother in law for narrating this incident to me.

*Why do we call Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi a 'Mahatma'? 
We are all just little souls 'athma' and tiny fragments of the one soul, 'Param Athma,' the Creator. With divine blessing an ordinary soul becomes a 'Maha Athma,' a great soul. Ordinary souls may touch you now and then but a Mahatma transforms you.

Who are we?

A friend who is highly sensitive to praise and criticism wanted to get away, 'Just go away from the madding crowd' she said. So away she went to the Himalayas, returning two weeks later looking worse than when she left.

On quizzing her I learnt that her problems and concerns accompanied her. She could not stop thinking about what what people were talking about her. We have put our happiness and peace of mind in the hands of others for their opinions shape our beliefs about ourselves.

Most of us live our lives in differing shades of this same situation.


"You do not have your own face, you  have only opinions of others about you. Somebody says you are beautiful and you start to think you are beautiful. Somebody says you are ugly, and you feel hurt and you carry a wound that someone says you are 'ugly' - you have become ugly.

You are just an accumulation of the opinion of others, you do not know who you are. You know only what others think you are. And this is strange, because those others who think who you are don't know themselves. - they know themselves through you. This is a beautiful game: I know myself through you, you know yourself through me and we both don't know who we are."

                                                                                     - Osho  

Some things never change

Cicero (43 B.C) of the Roman empire wrote this. 
Do people and things ever change?

1. The poor, work and work.

2. The rich, exploit the poor. 

3. The soldier, protects both.

4. The taxpayer, pays for all the three.

5. The wanderer, rests for all the four.

6. The drunk, drinks for all the five.

7. The banker, robs all the six.

8. The lawyer, misleads all the seven. 

9. The tax collector, kills all the eight.

10. The undertaker, buries all the nine.

11. The Politician and Prostitute live happily on account of all the ten.

Still Looking For Freedom

It is the 15th of August and the anniversary of Indian independence.
There is great official pomp and ceremony across the land. Patriotic songs are heard everywhere, to imbibe a sense of patriotism in the people. Sadly most people do not bother and patriotism seems to be waning everywhere except in the field of cricket. But the youth they do listen, because they are trusting and eager to learn and they can be forced to listen in the educational institutions.

Independence means freedom, but from what and whom?  India won her independence not only from the British, but also the Portuguese and 562 monarchs with titles of Rajas, Maharahajas, Nawabs, Nizams, Khans and Baigs.  

The foreigners and the kings and their staff may have departed and replaced by a new breed of rulers. The country is now run by numerous criminal politician cum businessmen and an often corrupt and dysfunctional government administration.

Sadly we Indians have always been outsourcing our governance to foreigners for over a 1000 years. As long as that happens, India cannot be free. Foreigners need not only be people of foreign birth but also people who do not have their heart or their minds and commitment to the Indian people or nation whom they have sworn under oath to serve.

Every citizen wants, a government of the people, by the people, for the people.

Forget about evil political leaders and useless governments for a while. Let us focus nearer to our own selves and our homes. 

Teachers at schools may teach various subjects but it is the parents in homes who instill values.

Every man is a king and every woman a queen of your own home, where you make and implement your won rules and policies. Your writ runs in your own home. 

Do you show integrity and responsibility in your own home? What example do you set for your family and your colleagues?

Voltaire the French Philosopher and writer said, "It is not only important to be free, but to also know what to do with one's freedom".

We are a young and fragile democracy. We must realise that with freedom comes not only rights but also responsibilities. Almost everyone demand their rights but apparently remain oblivious about their responsibilities. Such a society is like a one winged bird, may even look beautiful and chirp happily, but it cannot fly.

Freedom is not only about being physically free. An individual can never be free if he or she is shackled by an enslaved mind. And an enslaved mind is the product of a weak spirit.

Our children are our future, however they will become what we help mould them into.

This independence day let us vow afresh to teach our children the difference between right and wrong, instill the wisdom to make right choices and the courage to do the right thing. 

If each one of us does this, then we can hope to be truly free.

Swallowing Goldfish Fad in America

Havard freshman Lothrop Withington Jr. started a fad by swallowing a live goldfish with a mashed potato chaser as a publicity stunt in 1938.

Goldfish swallowing was a college fad that began in the 1930s and swept USA by the end of 1939.
It was often used as fraternity initiations. Eventually it was banned by many universities, and local laws banning this practice of cruelty.

Dance Bars are back.

The Supreme court recently quashed the law passed by the state government of Maharashtra banning the operation of dance bars. Many hailed this verdict as a great economic boon as it will now bring in more than Rs 3000 Crores (US$ 550 Million) annual revenue to the state and provide jobs to 100,000 bar dancers, and another 90,000 allied jobs.

A question arises. Is this type of economic growth that is going to make us a better society? Would we like to see a daughter or sister in this profession?

Sure we want to reduce material poverty but does it have to be by impoverishing the character and spirit particularly of girls and young people? Bad things happen everywhere but civilized people and the government cannot be party to promoting such things.

True economic progress can only come from social progress, and true social progress can only come when women and families are treated with dignity. The building block of a society is the family. Wherever families are torn apart the fabric of society is greatly damaged and communities and even nations become dysfunctional.

Men may make houses, but women make homes. A house is just a cold lifeless structure and a home is a place filled with hope, joy, dignity and courage. The soul of our society is embedded in our womenfolk. 

Women should work and pursue careers only out of choice and not out of necessity. Necessity often leads to exploitation and misery of the weak.

What will be the fate of those children that come home to a no parent or single parent home? What sort of a mother or wife will a woman make who has been reduced to a thing and that too an undignified one?

It is said God has distributed his work to mothers. Generally wherever people have excelled there is inevitably the influence of a woman.
Traditional Indian teachings lay great emphasis on love and respect of women. It was taught that "The Gods dwell where the womenfolk are happy".


There is hope that wise and noble people in society will raise our consciousness and pave the way for justice for the weak and exploited  in our society as can be seen from the example of an Indonesian judge.


An Indonesian judge by the name of Marzuki was sitting in judgment of an old lady who pleaded guilty   of stealing some tapioca from a plantation. In her defense she admitted to the judge that she was indeed guilty of the crime because she was poor. and her son was sick while her grandchild was hungry.

The plantation manager insisted that she be punished as a deterrent to others.

The judge going through the facts and the documents then looked up and said to the old lady, "I'm sorry but I cannot make any exception to the law and you must be punished" The old lady was fined Rp 1 million (US$ 100) and was informed that if she could not pay the fine then she would be jailed for two and a half years as demanded by the law.

The old lady broke down and wept as she could not pay the fine.

The judge then took off his hat and put in Rp. 1 million and said "In the name of justice, I fine all who are present in this court Rp. 50,000 (US$ 5.50) each as dwellers of this city who have let a child starve until her grandmother has to steal to feed her grandchild. The registrar will now collect the fines from all present."

The court managed to collect Rp 3.5 million (US$ 350) including the fine collected from the plantation manager. After paying the fine  the balance money was handed over to the old lady.

Ruby Bridges

Black History Day:

“Don’t be afraid.” That’s what Ruby Bridges’s mother told her on November 4, 1960. Little Ruby listened carefully to the advice. Soon, four United States federal court marshals, or officers, arrived at the Bridges family home in New Orleans, La., to drive the first grader to William Frantz Public School. A screaming mob was waiting. People stood near the building shouting. Ruby held her head high. With the marshals surrounding her, the 6-year-old walked into the school and into history

Value of Time

To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple..

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special.

My thanks to Mr. Arun Jindal for sharing this perspective and piece of wisdom with us.

Shame and Statesmanship

Very recently a British court passed a verdict for the British Government to pay a massive compensation of  GBP £ 13.6 Million to the indigenous Kikuyu people of Kenya. The payment is being made by the British for torture and killing of a large number of innocent people in probably one of the cruelest episodes of the shameful period of colonial rule by European countries. 

The impact of payment is small as compared to the admission of  gross inhumanity inflicted on innocent native people by the leading international power of that time.

Image by Ben Heine

My mind is drawn to another terrible massacre by the British. The response of the British authorities after the slaughter was both arrogant and astounding.  

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It was the 13th day of  April 1919 and the local people  had gathered to celebrate 'Baisakhi' the new year in the holy city of Amritsar. General Dyer of the British army in India then in charge on the scene in a display of power ordered the cold blooded massacre of innocent people, many of them women and children.  More than a 1000 were slaughtered and approximately 1500 people were grievously wounded.

What did the British do after they learnt of this massacre?
There was an uproar of sorts and long debates held in Britain.Eventually for this monstrous act,  General Dyer was felicitated by the British parliament. He was given an honourable discharge, a purse of £ 80,000 pounds and a bejewelled sword inscribed 'Saviour of the Punjab'.  A day that will truly live in infamy, and they gave him an award!

A question that always arises is how could a small country could colonise continents and great countries so far away? A journey into history reveals a common thread for all successful conquests of foreign lands and people. The conquerors all possess the following characteristics.

• They have a clear goal and a grand strategy.
• They are extremely greedy for materials, lands and slaves.
• They are utterly ruthless
• They possess advanced weaponry of the times 
• They have adopted political and war management systems which are superior 
• They are very cunning and adept at the art of deception
• They bribe and use select local people and leaders to control the larger native population

By nature, conquerors have to act and to be seen as ruthless so as to intimidate the majority population into total submission.

We often express outrage at the acts of the British, but strangely overlook the negative and divisive role of local kings, nawabs and 'noble men and women', whose descendants still enjoy great influence and  respect in India. Lured by power, status, and money, the bulk of the military, police and administration of British ruled India consisted of local Indians. Britain  ruled undivided India* with a mere 1500 officers.

Not a single Britisher fired a bullet at 'Jallianwalla Bagh'. Sadly the murderers were 
50 Gurkhu and 25 Baluchi soldiers, all of them Indians. The massacre was ruthlessly carried out with shooting directed above the waist into the thickest of the crowds so that one bullet could kill more than one civilian. The shooting stopped only because the soldiers ran out of ammunition.

Britain itself was almost destroyed by World War II and faced the real threat of being itself conquered and occupied. Emerging from the ruins of theWar, the British had to make a choice to remain either an empire or a democracy.  Britain wisely gave up its dreams of remaining an empire and chose to remain a democracy, because it could no longer justify it's own conduct.

With this apology to the Kikuyu people of Kenya, the British have once again demonstrated great diplomacy, adopting an amazing and strange type of humility.

Great statesmanship requires occasional arrogance and sometimes humility. The acceptance of their crimes and the apology that goes with it, is a tribute to the diplomacy  of the British. This apology ensures  that the British will continue to play an important and leading role in world affairs even in the future.

Maybe the time is also ripe for Britain to formally apologise to the families of those massacred on that fateful thirteenth day of April 1919.

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* Undivided India consisted of what is now India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Myanmar,